Years with no contact and a surprise run-in that left me clueless about what to do

I recently ran into my ex. We hadn’t spoken in over 3 years after about five years of off and on dating that was very serious at times. It was a rollercoaster of a relationship where the highs were like ecstasy and the lows were us being at each others throats for doing or saying something that upset the other. We were young and dumb and I made a lot of mistakes, as did she. The final breakup (which she delivered) tore my heart apart for a while, but I eventually began seeing other people, as did she.

Over the past three years since the breakup, we never spoke, aside from a couple times when she called or texted because she didn’t know who else to turn to and I couldn’t help myself but help her and once when I reached out to her to congratulate her on a move (to which she responded with basically a long version of a “I have a boyfriend”). There was a lot of anger and resentment towards one another for a long time. We’ve both moved to new cities and I just assumed life was never going to intersect with her again.

Then, I ran into her in my city. I kept it short and we both were completely in shock to see each other. After a couple hours, I reached out to her and we ended up grabbing lunch before she hopped on a plane back to her city. The lunch went great and there was a lot of updates about life on both ends that we both were showing a lot of support towards one another for. We exchanged a few texts about how great it was to see each other and wishing each other well. And she ended it with saying she’ll reach out next time shes in town (she visits a friend once a year-ish here)

I’ve mulled it over since then, about a week ago, and I feel like I’ve left a lot off the table. I’ve never loved anyone the way I love her. I’ve said I’ve loved other exes but clearly I didn’t mean it because I don’t feel this way about them. To this day, I still have some feelings for her and I’ve convinced myself over the years that they’ll probably never go away. It’s a consequence of the love that I shared with her that has translated into some twisted sense of unconditional love. I remember her saying at one point that her mother thought that she and I would’ve married if we had met a couple years later. I now totally can see that. We were dumb and young and made mistakes that the young and dumb make. I like to think that in most parallel universes we would end up together. That we were the closest thing to a soulmate that we’d get but it doesn’t always work out every time. The lunch brought this up in my head and I’ve thought about how there might be a chance she has those same “never gonna go away” feelings and I’ve been debating whether or not to text/call her and unload it all.

To note, the lunch was very platonic. We didn’t even hug or touch in anyway.

She’s single but any sort of “getting back together” is near impossible. Her friends hate me. My friends hate her (so much so that I haven’t told any of them about the lunch and I’m turning here for some outside counsel). The breakup was messy and we live practically across the country from one another.

Please any advice would be greatly appreciated. I want to reach out to her and let it all out but I’m terrified of the consequences or maybe I’m making the wrong move.

Submitted March 05, 2022 at 09:11PM

I recently ran into my ex. We hadn’t spoken in over 3 years after about five years of off and on dating that was very serious at times. It was a rollercoaster of a relationship where the highs were like ecstasy and the lows were us being at each others throats for doing or saying something that upset the other. We were young and dumb and I made a lot of mistakes, as did she. The final breakup (which she delivered) tore my heart apart for a while, but I eventually began seeing other people, as did she.Over the past three years since the breakup, we never spoke, aside from a couple times when she called or texted because she didn’t know who else to turn to and I couldn’t help myself but help her and once when I reached out to her to congratulate her on a move (to which she responded with basically a long version of a “I have a boyfriend”). There was a lot of anger and resentment towards one another for a long time. We’ve both moved to new cities and I just assumed life was never going to intersect with her again.Then, I ran into her in my city. I kept it short and we both were completely in shock to see each other. After a couple hours, I reached out to her and we ended up grabbing lunch before she hopped on a plane back to her city. The lunch went great and there was a lot of updates about life on both ends that we both were showing a lot of support towards one another for. We exchanged a few texts about how great it was to see each other and wishing each other well. And she ended it with saying she’ll reach out next time shes in town (she visits a friend once a year-ish here)I’ve mulled it over since then, about a week ago, and I feel like I’ve left a lot off the table. I’ve never loved anyone the way I love her. I’ve said I’ve loved other exes but clearly I didn’t mean it because I don’t feel this way about them. To this day, I still have some feelings for her and I’ve convinced myself over the years that they’ll probably never go away. It’s a consequence of the love that I shared with her that has translated into some twisted sense of unconditional love. I remember her saying at one point that her mother thought that she and I would’ve married if we had met a couple years later. I now totally can see that. We were dumb and young and made mistakes that the young and dumb make. I like to think that in most parallel universes we would end up together. That we were the closest thing to a soulmate that we’d get but it doesn’t always work out every time. The lunch brought this up in my head and I’ve thought about how there might be a chance she has those same “never gonna go away” feelings and I’ve been debating whether or not to text/call her and unload it all.To note, the lunch was very platonic. We didn’t even hug or touch in anyway.She’s single but any sort of “getting back together” is near impossible. Her friends hate me. My friends hate her (so much so that I haven’t told any of them about the lunch and I’m turning here for some outside counsel). The breakup was messy and we live practically across the country from one another.Please any advice would be greatly appreciated. I want to reach out to her and let it all out but I’m terrified of the consequences or maybe I’m making the wrong move.