Possible Mental Health Attachment Issues. Should I Bring it up?

Ran into this utterly gorgeous girl at my complex nearly half a year ago. Breathtakingly pretty even without makeup. Most of our values, humor, political views, and even upbringing seem similar to each other. From the start I got her number and we have on and off texted for most of the last half a year. Hung out a few times here and there. But there were these vicious cycles, at my own expense, that happened every time it was getting closer to going on an actual date.

The cycles consisted of talking a lot over text and in person (hour+ in person here and there). Maybe hanging out in a friendly environment, then me asking for a date, her agreeing, and then starting to really distance herself leading to me to kind of bring it up and just be up front about my feelings. This would lead her to really distance herself. To the point of just not responding to the text for a long time and then being vague when she finally did get back about it. Obviously it made her uncomfortable.

For the longest time myself, and my friends, believed she was simply using me for attention. But her friends didn't seem to even know I liked her when we were around each other until I mentioned it once. She would almost get agitated openly if I paid for her. Made it very VERY clear she's independent and focused on her career, family, and athletic hobbies. All of this is true as I know her schedule as she's open about it. It's jammed with volunteer work, religious events, actual athletic leagues, family days, and the rest devoted to her friend group with set weekly events.

One night we were talking and a certain traumatic topic was brought up. Shockingly, for her, I went into depth about the topic and sided with women on the topic regarding the legal system even though we're both very conservative. Made her very briefly mention "I know. It happened to me". Shortly after I ran into her obviously hiding the fact she was recently crying. On the surface she is EXTREMELY confident and independent. Last girl in the world I would expect doing that. Then she mentioned "Now you're starting to see why I'm like this" and left it at that.

Well, a cycle ended with me telling her to take care of herself and I respected her even though she didn't say no or anything. Just read into it that way. A month later she reached out to me and we even briefly talked about previous interactions we had (cycles) and she was VERY VERY aware of my intentions which were very serious if we did hit it off and went down that path. Even told a friend of mine "It's way better this time with him not trying so hard". Well, the Cycle kind of happened again but we're still talking here and there. Finally just told her it may be best to just be friends.

Thing is, literally every bullet point I've seen about cPTSD/avoidant behaviors she checks off. Either by her direct words or actions. But again, I don't TRULY know her at a very personal level. I don't want to be her savior and I honestly don't feel like it would be my place to do so. But I want to SOOO badly bring it up because she was obviously hurting a while back and probably even today. Do I just give her space or wait a bit and bring this up in some way? But not in an annoying over the top manner or trying to get her to open up.

Edit: Could be reading into this entirely wrong and she's straight up not interested, but all the context my actual friends have makes them so confused they almost refuse to talk about it. Because they don't think she's using me, or that she isn't completely uninterested, but they have no clue what her intentions are.

Submitted January 28, 2022 at 12:14AM

Ran into this utterly gorgeous girl at my complex nearly half a year ago. Breathtakingly pretty even without makeup. Most of our values, humor, political views, and even upbringing seem similar to each other. From the start I got her number and we have on and off texted for most of the last half a year. Hung out a few times here and there. But there were these vicious cycles, at my own expense, that happened every time it was getting closer to going on an actual date.The cycles consisted of talking a lot over text and in person (hour+ in person here and there). Maybe hanging out in a friendly environment, then me asking for a date, her agreeing, and then starting to really distance herself leading to me to kind of bring it up and just be up front about my feelings. This would lead her to really distance herself. To the point of just not responding to the text for a long time and then being vague when she finally did get back about it. Obviously it made her uncomfortable.For the longest time myself, and my friends, believed she was simply using me for attention. But her friends didn't seem to even know I liked her when we were around each other until I mentioned it once. She would almost get agitated openly if I paid for her. Made it very VERY clear she's independent and focused on her career, family, and athletic hobbies. All of this is true as I know her schedule as she's open about it. It's jammed with volunteer work, religious events, actual athletic leagues, family days, and the rest devoted to her friend group with set weekly events.One night we were talking and a certain traumatic topic was brought up. Shockingly, for her, I went into depth about the topic and sided with women on the topic regarding the legal system even though we're both very conservative. Made her very briefly mention "I know. It happened to me". Shortly after I ran into her obviously hiding the fact she was recently crying. On the surface she is EXTREMELY confident and independent. Last girl in the world I would expect doing that. Then she mentioned "Now you're starting to see why I'm like this" and left it at that.Well, a cycle ended with me telling her to take care of herself and I respected her even though she didn't say no or anything. Just read into it that way. A month later she reached out to me and we even briefly talked about previous interactions we had (cycles) and she was VERY VERY aware of my intentions which were very serious if we did hit it off and went down that path. Even told a friend of mine "It's way better this time with him not trying so hard". Well, the Cycle kind of happened again but we're still talking here and there. Finally just told her it may be best to just be friends.Thing is, literally every bullet point I've seen about cPTSD/avoidant behaviors she checks off. Either by her direct words or actions. But again, I don't TRULY know her at a very personal level. I don't want to be her savior and I honestly don't feel like it would be my place to do so. But I want to SOOO badly bring it up because she was obviously hurting a while back and probably even today. Do I just give her space or wait a bit and bring this up in some way? But not in an annoying over the top manner or trying to get her to open up.Edit: Could be reading into this entirely wrong and she's straight up not interested, but all the context my actual friends have makes them so confused they almost refuse to talk about it. Because they don't think she's using me, or that she isn't completely uninterested, but they have no clue what her intentions are.