Relationship advice- found out this cardiologist fellow I was dating for 17mo was cheating? already in a relationship with critical care fellow? Should I confront to her?

Hey everyone,

I am seeking relationship advice.

I have been dating a cardiologist fellow. We matched on bumble and have been seeing each other for the last 17mos. He was in 2nd year fellowship when we first met and is currently doing his program in my state. He is originally from another state. When we first started seeing each other, I was very clear with him about not wanting a "casual relationship". I had also inquired about if he was in a relationship of any kind or married or divorced or had kids. He had said no to all of this.

While we were together, we were seeing each other about every 2wks (RED FLAG! I know) and I didn't find it weird because I thought perhaps I was accommodating to his very busy schedule. Because I am also in the medical field (not a physician), i knew that being in a fellow program isn't easy so I was trying to be this very understanding partner. But, after having dated him for 9mo, I stumbled on his social media and came across this woman's profile, who had picture with him in it. I hinted at this new finding and again asked him very clearly if he was in any relationship of any kind or even an open relationship. He had denied that. He shut off our conversation whenever I tried to discuss this woman's profile. He made it seem as though she was this crazy ex who perhaps maybe still holding on to him. It just never made sense to me why this woman had their picture together as profile picture. I tried to ignore this.

We grew closer as the months went by and he tried to see me every week. But, there was still a nagging feeling that was still there about this profile picture. So, I decided to send this woman a friend request. She recently accepted my instagram request and when I saw her pictures, it was flooded with their pictures. This woman is a pulmonary critical fellow in another state. He has previously told me that she was an ex and that they dated each other during their residency years. I learned from her instagram account that he has been seeing her all this time while he was with me and there are documented evidence as she had multiple pictures of him in my state as well as her state. This time around, I had the whole evidence in front of me and I confronted him about her again. In the beginning he denied this saying that there isn't anything between them. Then, later he acknowledged that he had been seeing her and has been trying to patch things with her. I was obviously heartbroken to learn that he has been hiding all these information. More than anything, I was disappointed by his lack of transparency between us. I had expressed to him that he had dragged me into their relationship if he was trying to patch things with her. He went onto say that they tried to match in the same state but in his words, they were "separated due to distance".

I honestly don't know if I can trust a single word from him as he has lied to me or kept information hidden from me all this time. He told me that he tried to tell me, but there is a huge difference between trying and actually being honest with someone. I asked him if that other woman knew about me and he said no. He apologized to me about his action and I told him that he owes this other woman an apology too. I have obviously broken things off with him. But, have told him that he needs to tell this other woman about me and our relationship before the holiday and it is best if this information comes from him. He went onto say that he wants time and will do it according to a time that he thinks is best fit. I no longer trust this man and I don't think he will actually tell her about us. Even if he does, he would more than likely paint me as some stalker and will probably take his sweet time, maybe another 17mo or a year.... who knows.

I do not know his relationship status with this other woman. All I know is that I can no longer trust him. As a woman, I feel that it is my moral duty to tell her about us and I wish to do this the day after Christmas, so that she can hopefully be surrounded by her loved ones and have a fresh new year start... with whatever decision she tries to choose. I would like second opinion from people who are in medical field and is unbiased. Any advice? thanks.

Submitted December 23, 2021 at 01:14AM

Hey everyone,I am seeking relationship advice.I have been dating a cardiologist fellow. We matched on bumble and have been seeing each other for the last 17mos. He was in 2nd year fellowship when we first met and is currently doing his program in my state. He is originally from another state. When we first started seeing each other, I was very clear with him about not wanting a "casual relationship". I had also inquired about if he was in a relationship of any kind or married or divorced or had kids. He had said no to all of this.While we were together, we were seeing each other about every 2wks (RED FLAG! I know) and I didn't find it weird because I thought perhaps I was accommodating to his very busy schedule. Because I am also in the medical field (not a physician), i knew that being in a fellow program isn't easy so I was trying to be this very understanding partner. But, after having dated him for 9mo, I stumbled on his social media and came across this woman's profile, who had picture with him in it. I hinted at this new finding and again asked him very clearly if he was in any relationship of any kind or even an open relationship. He had denied that. He shut off our conversation whenever I tried to discuss this woman's profile. He made it seem as though she was this crazy ex who perhaps maybe still holding on to him. It just never made sense to me why this woman had their picture together as profile picture. I tried to ignore this.We grew closer as the months went by and he tried to see me every week. But, there was still a nagging feeling that was still there about this profile picture. So, I decided to send this woman a friend request. She recently accepted my instagram request and when I saw her pictures, it was flooded with their pictures. This woman is a pulmonary critical fellow in another state. He has previously told me that she was an ex and that they dated each other during their residency years. I learned from her instagram account that he has been seeing her all this time while he was with me and there are documented evidence as she had multiple pictures of him in my state as well as her state. This time around, I had the whole evidence in front of me and I confronted him about her again. In the beginning he denied this saying that there isn't anything between them. Then, later he acknowledged that he had been seeing her and has been trying to patch things with her. I was obviously heartbroken to learn that he has been hiding all these information. More than anything, I was disappointed by his lack of transparency between us. I had expressed to him that he had dragged me into their relationship if he was trying to patch things with her. He went onto say that they tried to match in the same state but in his words, they were "separated due to distance".I honestly don't know if I can trust a single word from him as he has lied to me or kept information hidden from me all this time. He told me that he tried to tell me, but there is a huge difference between trying and actually being honest with someone. I asked him if that other woman knew about me and he said no. He apologized to me about his action and I told him that he owes this other woman an apology too. I have obviously broken things off with him. But, have told him that he needs to tell this other woman about me and our relationship before the holiday and it is best if this information comes from him. He went onto say that he wants time and will do it according to a time that he thinks is best fit. I no longer trust this man and I don't think he will actually tell her about us. Even if he does, he would more than likely paint me as some stalker and will probably take his sweet time, maybe another 17mo or a year.... who knows.I do not know his relationship status with this other woman. All I know is that I can no longer trust him. As a woman, I feel that it is my moral duty to tell her about us and I wish to do this the day after Christmas, so that she can hopefully be surrounded by her loved ones and have a fresh new year start... with whatever decision she tries to choose. I would like second opinion from people who are in medical field and is unbiased. Any advice? thanks.