My emotions are Lagging

I've always wanted love, but every time someone comes to me, it is as if all my emotions freeze up. And I can't feel what I want. I can describe it beautifully between two people, I can see it and I can feel it as a bystander but I can't create it. I can watch it as a spectator. So why can't I do it? I found a great person who now unfortunately I have to let go of. All emotions are like they are set up on purpose, as if they don't come natural. All my reactions are as if prescribed, and its only in rare moments I feel some kind of emotional reaction. When I start a relationship I always feel very empty, and I always feel better when I'm alone. But I still want a relationship even though I know nothing will work. I've had quite a variety of people before, and no matter how well they understood me nothing worked. My emotions don't seem to work properly. What is it? Help me to understand please.

Submitted December 12, 2021 at 12:11AM

I've always wanted love, but every time someone comes to me, it is as if all my emotions freeze up. And I can't feel what I want. I can describe it beautifully between two people, I can see it and I can feel it as a bystander but I can't create it. I can watch it as a spectator. So why can't I do it? I found a great person who now unfortunately I have to let go of. All emotions are like they are set up on purpose, as if they don't come natural. All my reactions are as if prescribed, and its only in rare moments I feel some kind of emotional reaction. When I start a relationship I always feel very empty, and I always feel better when I'm alone. But I still want a relationship even though I know nothing will work. I've had quite a variety of people before, and no matter how well they understood me nothing worked. My emotions don't seem to work properly. What is it? Help me to understand please.