Why I'm quitting online dating

Hi everyone,

Just needed a place to vent about my story with online dating. I've been on Tinder for two years and I actually liked it... In fact, I met a lot of wonderful girls on Tinder and had a lot of fun dates. However... Unfortunately, I never had the luck of starting something serious with the girls I've met on Tinder. You probably can relate to these reasons:

- The girls I was romantically interested in weren't romantically interested in me.

- The girls I wasn't romantically interested in were romantically interested in me.

This trend continued and after a while, I became very frustrated with dating. At first, I thought I was the problem... Maybe I wasn't muscular enough? Maybe I was too short? Maybe I didn't earn enough money? In other words, I was convinced that I wasn't worthy of love, so I began an unhealthy self-improvement process. To be honest, I'm glad I did because I became a lot fitter, got a promotion, and dressed a lot better after this process but none of that gave me more luck in dating life.

A weird cycle would start after every rejection I focused on myself, tried to find something new that was 'wrong' with me, and 'fixed' it only to be rejected later by another girl. Even though I always improved myself my self-confidence plummeted... I didn't care anymore about being rejected, I didn't see online dating anymore about meeting up with people but meeting up with sales prospects.

I became depressed and had doubts about everything, not superficial things like height or weight but my values, my personality, and even my sexuality. I was extremely harsh on myself. I considered changing my career path and going back to school because I honestly thought I wasn't attractive because I wasn't passionate about my job. I dealt with an HOCD for a while because I lost excitement for meeting up with girls after so many failed dates. I moved out because I was convinced that nobody would want to get together with a guy that still lived with his parents. I also went to a psychologist because my poor-self image gave me anxiety attacks and a depression

Despite all negativity, I refused to give up, I needed to find the one to be happy and because meeting someone in real life is way harder, I still believed online dating was the best way to get true love. But a recent event finally convinced me to stop this negative cycle. I met up with a girl and there was really a connection personality-wise, she quickly started to fall for me. I myself liked her too but she wasn't exactly my type appearance-wise, but I still wanted to meet up with her. After the second date, she kissed me and we more or less started a relationship for a month. But despite having several fun dates with her, I couldn't ignore any longer that she just wasn't my type appearance-wise... I liked her but I wasn't in love with her. I just pretended because I was tired of meeting new girls over and over again and I just wanted to settle. I decided to be honest and told her that I didn't fell any attraction towards her. She didn't take the explanation well... She cried a lot and didn't understand why I was dishonest with her. She understandably didn't want to stay friends and later told me how much I hurt her because she had attachment problems and went to a psychologist because she was in depression herself. She saw me as the one that finally made her happy after a long time and she would have a lot of trouble with trusting boys in the future. She was convinced that there was something wrong with her and she never wanted to see me again because I hurted her so much.

I truly felt horrible for her.. I should have immediately told her that I wasn't attracted instead of 'tolerating' her and hoping that the attraction would come later. I always focused so much on myself with online dating but forgot about the feelings of the girls in the past I dated. I never want to hurt a girl again this way... I will take a large break from dating and in the future, I will just meet girls again in a natural way. If love isn't for me, I will accept that... But I never want to hurt neither myself nor someone like the girl from the above again.

Submitted November 02, 2021 at 12:13AM

Hi everyone,Just needed a place to vent about my story with online dating. I've been on Tinder for two years and I actually liked it... In fact, I met a lot of wonderful girls on Tinder and had a lot of fun dates. However... Unfortunately, I never had the luck of starting something serious with the girls I've met on Tinder. You probably can relate to these reasons:- The girls I was romantically interested in weren't romantically interested in me.- The girls I wasn't romantically interested in were romantically interested in me.This trend continued and after a while, I became very frustrated with dating. At first, I thought I was the problem... Maybe I wasn't muscular enough? Maybe I was too short? Maybe I didn't earn enough money? In other words, I was convinced that I wasn't worthy of love, so I began an unhealthy self-improvement process. To be honest, I'm glad I did because I became a lot fitter, got a promotion, and dressed a lot better after this process but none of that gave me more luck in dating life.A weird cycle would start after every rejection I focused on myself, tried to find something new that was 'wrong' with me, and 'fixed' it only to be rejected later by another girl. Even though I always improved myself my self-confidence plummeted... I didn't care anymore about being rejected, I didn't see online dating anymore about meeting up with people but meeting up with sales prospects.I became depressed and had doubts about everything, not superficial things like height or weight but my values, my personality, and even my sexuality. I was extremely harsh on myself. I considered changing my career path and going back to school because I honestly thought I wasn't attractive because I wasn't passionate about my job. I dealt with an HOCD for a while because I lost excitement for meeting up with girls after so many failed dates. I moved out because I was convinced that nobody would want to get together with a guy that still lived with his parents. I also went to a psychologist because my poor-self image gave me anxiety attacks and a depressionDespite all negativity, I refused to give up, I needed to find the one to be happy and because meeting someone in real life is way harder, I still believed online dating was the best way to get true love. But a recent event finally convinced me to stop this negative cycle. I met up with a girl and there was really a connection personality-wise, she quickly started to fall for me. I myself liked her too but she wasn't exactly my type appearance-wise, but I still wanted to meet up with her. After the second date, she kissed me and we more or less started a relationship for a month. But despite having several fun dates with her, I couldn't ignore any longer that she just wasn't my type appearance-wise... I liked her but I wasn't in love with her. I just pretended because I was tired of meeting new girls over and over again and I just wanted to settle. I decided to be honest and told her that I didn't fell any attraction towards her. She didn't take the explanation well... She cried a lot and didn't understand why I was dishonest with her. She understandably didn't want to stay friends and later told me how much I hurt her because she had attachment problems and went to a psychologist because she was in depression herself. She saw me as the one that finally made her happy after a long time and she would have a lot of trouble with trusting boys in the future. She was convinced that there was something wrong with her and she never wanted to see me again because I hurted her so much.I truly felt horrible for her.. I should have immediately told her that I wasn't attracted instead of 'tolerating' her and hoping that the attraction would come later. I always focused so much on myself with online dating but forgot about the feelings of the girls in the past I dated. I never want to hurt a girl again this way... I will take a large break from dating and in the future, I will just meet girls again in a natural way. If love isn't for me, I will accept that... But I never want to hurt neither myself nor someone like the girl from the above again.