I feel like my partner masturbates too often

To be blunt, my partner is jerking off too much for my liking. I know when he does because our bottle of lube will suddenly be somewhere else (usually at his desk)--and honestly, it's a little predictable, too, since it primarily happens when I leave the house by myself or if I have a meeting for work (we both work remotely and have pretty flexible schedules outside of meetings).

I wouldn't have an issue with it if it didn't feel like it was cutting into our intimacy. Last year, we were having sex every other day at least and this year it's one day a week, maybe two, with some weeks skipped entirely. He's only able to finish once a day, or at least currently does not want to more than once a day, and 6/7 days a week he chooses to do so by himself. I'm going off birth control tomorrow for the first time in nearly a decade and he joked that my libido will get even higher and he won't be able to keep up--but he already doesn't. I feel like I'm left high and dry most of the time. Maybe I'd feel differently if I had half as much privacy to masturbate as he does, but he never leaves me alone when I'm at home outside of our meetings (mine last an hour while his meetings last, like, two to five minutes, so it's not exactly equal) and he's left the house by himself twice in the last six months.

I've tried initiating in the past and got rejected every time (no exceptions), so I stopped. I've told him I want more sex and he's only apologized and said things will get better, but nothing has. I'm just tired of losing out to porn the majority of the time. He makes moves on me throughout the day most days and I reciprocate and will think it's heading somewhere--and then he'll disappear and I'll walk in on him jerking off, which he'll promptly stop and cover up.

I just don't know what I can do or say to make him understand I am starting to feel unattractive. I do understand masturbation is natural and I'm being judgemental, but at the same time I just really don't enjoy always being second to porn. Is there anyone else who's experienced this or has advice on what to do?

Submitted November 20, 2021 at 12:37AM

To be blunt, my partner is jerking off too much for my liking. I know when he does because our bottle of lube will suddenly be somewhere else (usually at his desk)--and honestly, it's a little predictable, too, since it primarily happens when I leave the house by myself or if I have a meeting for work (we both work remotely and have pretty flexible schedules outside of meetings).I wouldn't have an issue with it if it didn't feel like it was cutting into our intimacy. Last year, we were having sex every other day at least and this year it's one day a week, maybe two, with some weeks skipped entirely. He's only able to finish once a day, or at least currently does not want to more than once a day, and 6/7 days a week he chooses to do so by himself. I'm going off birth control tomorrow for the first time in nearly a decade and he joked that my libido will get even higher and he won't be able to keep up--but he already doesn't. I feel like I'm left high and dry most of the time. Maybe I'd feel differently if I had half as much privacy to masturbate as he does, but he never leaves me alone when I'm at home outside of our meetings (mine last an hour while his meetings last, like, two to five minutes, so it's not exactly equal) and he's left the house by himself twice in the last six months.I've tried initiating in the past and got rejected every time (no exceptions), so I stopped. I've told him I want more sex and he's only apologized and said things will get better, but nothing has. I'm just tired of losing out to porn the majority of the time. He makes moves on me throughout the day most days and I reciprocate and will think it's heading somewhere--and then he'll disappear and I'll walk in on him jerking off, which he'll promptly stop and cover up.I just don't know what I can do or say to make him understand I am starting to feel unattractive. I do understand masturbation is natural and I'm being judgemental, but at the same time I just really don't enjoy always being second to porn. Is there anyone else who's experienced this or has advice on what to do?