Struggling to get a date because of social anxiety

Hey guys, wanted to vent a little.

I’m 27, never been on a date, and I believe it’s due to social anxiety and the impact it has had on my social skills. Over the past six months I’ve been trying to use dating apps, but I’ve made no progress.

My situation is a bit unique - in that I’m decent looking and have a strong profile. I know what girls are after so I’ve made myself look well travelled and social. I get a lot of likes and matches. But the truth is, I’m not very confident and naturally quiet. I had pretty bad social anxiety in the past. But I’m a lot better these days.

In terms of why I can’t get dates - the problem is when I start the conversation. I’d say 95% of the time I get ignored after two messages back and forth. Is this common? Or a sign I’m doing something wrong? My conversations have never progressed to the point where it felt like the right time to ask them out.

Usually in conversations I try to ask the girl questions about themselves. They respond, I acknowledge their response and ask another question. Is this the right strategy? When I look at conversations online, everyone seems really relaxed - making jokes, flirty comments, puns, sarcasm. But this is all stuff I really struggle with, I’ve never ‘bantered’ with anyone before - should I be making jokes during my conversations? My conversations never feel ‘authentic’, if that makes any sense - maybe because I’m pretending to be confident?

Any advice would be appreciated.



Submitted October 09, 2021 at 12:51AM

Hey guys, wanted to vent a little.I’m 27, never been on a date, and I believe it’s due to social anxiety and the impact it has had on my social skills. Over the past six months I’ve been trying to use dating apps, but I’ve made no progress.My situation is a bit unique - in that I’m decent looking and have a strong profile. I know what girls are after so I’ve made myself look well travelled and social. I get a lot of likes and matches. But the truth is, I’m not very confident and naturally quiet. I had pretty bad social anxiety in the past. But I’m a lot better these days.In terms of why I can’t get dates - the problem is when I start the conversation. I’d say 95% of the time I get ignored after two messages back and forth. Is this common? Or a sign I’m doing something wrong? My conversations have never progressed to the point where it felt like the right time to ask them out.Usually in conversations I try to ask the girl questions about themselves. They respond, I acknowledge their response and ask another question. Is this the right strategy? When I look at conversations online, everyone seems really relaxed - making jokes, flirty comments, puns, sarcasm. But this is all stuff I really struggle with, I’ve never ‘bantered’ with anyone before - should I be making jokes during my conversations? My conversations never feel ‘authentic’, if that makes any sense - maybe because I’m pretending to be confident?Any advice would be appreciated.
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