Just need some simple advice on fellas who have overcome retroactive jealousy/insecuirty

Before i divulge into my experiences i would like to disclaim that I am a straight male, and everything i feel is valid but it’s none of the girls faults. The retroactive jealousy is a result of my own insecurity, anxiety and my own thoughts. None of which is their issue. It is solely mine.

I have never had an issue with confidence and charisma. I am a well mannered, fun, outgoing, polite, spontaneous, adventurous, extremely sarcastic man. Sexually I feel like I am open to new things, spontaneous and passionate, strike a balance between making love and rough fucking. Love providing orally, and eagerly listen to the communication and body language of my significant others. My member isn’t large nor is it small. Average at best This may seem like I’m tooting my own horn in certain areas but i do love my qualities and am proud of the son my momma raised. I also believe my sexuality is a healthy fun kind and always first and foremost respect my partners wishes and never pressure. No is No, and lack of a Yes is also a No. I do however seem to have certain insecurities involving being good enough. This stems from being cheated on multiple times in the best (plus some father issues).

My previous relationship was great however she seemed to divulge WAY too much information regarding her past. (Her previous partner whom she was caught up for 3 years, i knew his size, places they did it, things they did and sexual conversations) At first I didn’t care cause we were just hooking up but then it grew into a love. However those demons came back to haunt me in severe anxiety and performance issues. Before we slept together (or saw each other naked ) she told me bigger was better, but i didn’t care. Then she slipped that her ex was bigger. I dwelled for some time however she INSISTED I was much better in bed and even explicitly saying one time after sex without any question being asked, that that was the best she’s had.

I however knew all the facts and the actual reality of our situation but my anxiety destroyed my sex life with her. Mental images, feeling inadequate, always feeling a need to compete instead of just enjoy the sex. Eventually our relationship crumbled due to my own mental issues causing me to lack interest in her (plus other issues on her part but that is irrelevant)

I am now in a new relationship with a very passionate sex life. I feel very connected to her during it and I enjoy it very much. I am very cautious with sharing my past with her and she’s also the same. Without any knowledge of her past i am fine, however i slowly found more and more stuff out. She says to be inexperienced but I’m unsure. (Everyone is entitled to their past i just don’t need to hear it) she works with a previous FWB who has tried talking/bugging her in our entire relationship. It didn’t start bothering me until it became a frequent thing and found out they slept together right around when we began talking. (We hadn’t done anything at that point, nor were we exclusive so i can’t say anything) However she says that that was the last time and hasn’t done anything with anyone since we started hanging out.

I have come to find out she experienced A lot in her younger years (pre-18) with stuff involving more experienced/advanced sexual acts and didn’t do much after that. However a lot of those experiences come from a very very bad time in her life. She is 21 now. Anything before 18 shouldn’t bother me but i still struggle with intrusive thoughts, the occasional mental images and the retroactive jealousy of thinking that her past lovers were either dirtier, bigger or better than me. She doesn’t talk much about sex in general so i can’t tell if it’s because it’s with me or in general. I tell her how much our sex means to me and she always agrees but doesn’t go into much detail. I have communicated this to her and She says her past wasn’t amazing. She says that she is happy and satisfied with our sex life and doesnt want to change anything. None of this is her fault, nor do I take any of this on her or our relationship. I am aware a lot of this isn’t healthy, is to feed my own ego, and that i need to accept what she’s saying. I would just like some healthy advice beyond this please. I have been doing much better and am open to different opinions and perspectives.

Submitted October 05, 2021 at 12:06AM

Before i divulge into my experiences i would like to disclaim that I am a straight male, and everything i feel is valid but it’s none of the girls faults. The retroactive jealousy is a result of my own insecurity, anxiety and my own thoughts. None of which is their issue. It is solely mine.I have never had an issue with confidence and charisma. I am a well mannered, fun, outgoing, polite, spontaneous, adventurous, extremely sarcastic man. Sexually I feel like I am open to new things, spontaneous and passionate, strike a balance between making love and rough fucking. Love providing orally, and eagerly listen to the communication and body language of my significant others. My member isn’t large nor is it small. Average at best This may seem like I’m tooting my own horn in certain areas but i do love my qualities and am proud of the son my momma raised. I also believe my sexuality is a healthy fun kind and always first and foremost respect my partners wishes and never pressure. No is No, and lack of a Yes is also a No. I do however seem to have certain insecurities involving being good enough. This stems from being cheated on multiple times in the best (plus some father issues).My previous relationship was great however she seemed to divulge WAY too much information regarding her past. (Her previous partner whom she was caught up for 3 years, i knew his size, places they did it, things they did and sexual conversations) At first I didn’t care cause we were just hooking up but then it grew into a love. However those demons came back to haunt me in severe anxiety and performance issues. Before we slept together (or saw each other naked ) she told me bigger was better, but i didn’t care. Then she slipped that her ex was bigger. I dwelled for some time however she INSISTED I was much better in bed and even explicitly saying one time after sex without any question being asked, that that was the best she’s had.I however knew all the facts and the actual reality of our situation but my anxiety destroyed my sex life with her. Mental images, feeling inadequate, always feeling a need to compete instead of just enjoy the sex. Eventually our relationship crumbled due to my own mental issues causing me to lack interest in her (plus other issues on her part but that is irrelevant)I am now in a new relationship with a very passionate sex life. I feel very connected to her during it and I enjoy it very much. I am very cautious with sharing my past with her and she’s also the same. Without any knowledge of her past i am fine, however i slowly found more and more stuff out. She says to be inexperienced but I’m unsure. (Everyone is entitled to their past i just don’t need to hear it) she works with a previous FWB who has tried talking/bugging her in our entire relationship. It didn’t start bothering me until it became a frequent thing and found out they slept together right around when we began talking. (We hadn’t done anything at that point, nor were we exclusive so i can’t say anything) However she says that that was the last time and hasn’t done anything with anyone since we started hanging out.I have come to find out she experienced A lot in her younger years (pre-18) with stuff involving more experienced/advanced sexual acts and didn’t do much after that. However a lot of those experiences come from a very very bad time in her life. She is 21 now. Anything before 18 shouldn’t bother me but i still struggle with intrusive thoughts, the occasional mental images and the retroactive jealousy of thinking that her past lovers were either dirtier, bigger or better than me. She doesn’t talk much about sex in general so i can’t tell if it’s because it’s with me or in general. I tell her how much our sex means to me and she always agrees but doesn’t go into much detail. I have communicated this to her and She says her past wasn’t amazing. She says that she is happy and satisfied with our sex life and doesnt want to change anything. None of this is her fault, nor do I take any of this on her or our relationship. I am aware a lot of this isn’t healthy, is to feed my own ego, and that i need to accept what she’s saying. I would just like some healthy advice beyond this please. I have been doing much better and am open to different opinions and perspectives.