/u/LurkerByNatureGT on How did you figure out you were ace/aro/gray?

I was 16. First kiss, on a date with a nice attentive guy (after watching the Star Wars Special Edition release on the big screen), I went home after and ate an entire package of gingersnaps because blergh. A couple months of dating, and I gradually realized that making out with him just made me uncomfortable, I was more interested in Luke Skywalker than a real person, and I didn't actually want a boyfriend I just missed the relationship I'd had with my best friend who'd moved out of state. The turning point in my head was kissing after a nice dinner date, thanks to an after dinner mint . . . he made an unfortunate (for him) comment about "what would it be like if everyone had different flavored tongues, and you had to find someone with compatible flavors". All I could think about after that was "ROTFLOL strawberry flavored tongue!" Poor guy got the most sincerely clichéd "it's not you it's me" (which did not include the details of "sorry, kissing you just makes me want to laugh about 'strawberry flavored tongues', and you just can't compete with a fictional character from a galaxy far far away").

Finding vocabulary to describe asexuality in the mid/late '90s though? Good luck on that. I figured myself out long before I found a vocabulary to describe myself. And then a decade later I ended up slowly developing attraction to a person, which was really weird! My solid complete non interest in either sex or romance got shaken, and I had to question my asexuality.

So I'm really glad that the online Ace community that developed over the past 20 years developed a vocabulary that describes a spectrum of ace / aro experiences.





August 27, 2021 at 11:29PM
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