/u/SockPuppetSocrates on Why are people obsessed with gatekeeping?

It’s pretty shitty to judge other people’s mental illness, especially when you clearly know nothing about them.

There are different forms of depression, many of which will only occur once, or potentially a handful of times. There are others that will reoccur repeatedly, often throughout a persons entire life. The technical term for the latter is Persistent Depressive Disorder or Dysthymia, and it is the condition referred to colloquially by non-therapists as chronic depression.

It is not a joke, many of the people who suffer from it will end up committing suicide because they view it as the only possible escape from a condition that undermines their ability to enjoy anything in life, a condition that they likely don’t consider to be curable.

And when they state their condition to you using this term, it’s because they’ve almost certainly had dozens of people tell them that it’s something they’ll get over, a phase, and then those people will verbally abuse them when they fail to recover from this life threatening mental illness, often worsening their condition. An attitude that is encouraged by non-mentally ill people’s casual usage of “depressed” to mean “slightly sad” or “bummed” instead of its actual meaning.

The same is true of anxiety, which in its true form can be completely crippling, preventing people from being able to interact or engage with society at all. People will use the term Anxiety by itself to refer to simply having nerves, or will even (falsely) claim to have an anxiety disorder despite never having been diagnosed as such, so when a person who genuinely does suffer from an anxiety disorder tries to talk about it people will discard it as just being a mood or something they just need to man up and get over rather than a genuine psychological problem that requires professional treatment. So to try and side-step that (and the panic attack they’re likely to experience when forced into a confrontation) they will use the term “clinal anxiety” in order to indicate that they have been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder by a professional.

What do you want them to do? They’re trying to address the problem of people not accepting mental illness or treating it seriously by being more explicit, and instead of accepting that you’re just claiming they want attention. Is there anything they could say that would get you to understand the very real and potentially life threatening psychological hardship they’re undergoing? Because as far as I can tell you’ve already made up your mind to pretend that mental illness does not exist, and to degrade others for sharing their vulnerability with you. Something it was likely very difficult for them to do (especially since the first two disorders you mentioned directly interfere with their ability to share it).

They’re putting trust in you by sharing this, they’re reaching out to you for support when they very well may feel like they’re drowning. People with depression and anxiety will often hide their issues and pretend to be happy and normal for as long as they can, because the negative thoughts tell them that nobody cares, and that if they try to share they will be rejected. So when they openly tell you they’ve either A) Gotten to a breaking point where they can no longer deal, and are desperate for external support to prevent a tragedy. Or B) Are on the road to recovery, and finally trying to open up to people.

In either case your blithe dismissal will only validate the negative thoughts that therapists have to work so hard to convince them aren’t true. In the latter case it might be enough to set someone who was recovering back down the road to mental illness as they once again close themselves off and become convinced they were right the first time, where in the former the consequences could be even more dire. If someone who is chronically depressed is reaching out to you and receives laughing dismissal that their issues aren’t a big deal in response, there’s a not insignificant chance they will go home and attempt suicide that very day, because their brain isn’t capable of recognizing that it’s taking things out of proportion or seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, it just sees rejection after rejection.

Is that what it takes? Is the only way for you to take the mentally ill at their word for them to literally commit fucking suicide? And then you’ll cry on their grave “oh how could I have known, if only they’d told me, if only they’d cried for help or sought support instead of carrying it all inside!”

Frankly you can go fuck yourself. Mental illness is not a joke, and attitudes like yours are what encourages people to keep quite about it instead of seeking the help they desperately need. It is actively harmful to people’s mental health, and can be deadly.

The proper response to someone telling you they have chronic depression isn’t telling them it’s a joke or that they just want attention, it’s supporting them and getting them psychiatric help. Throw them a lifesaver instead of laughing as they continue to drown.

June 01, 2021 at 11:56PM