/u/neon_unicorn-dreams on "Am I asexual?" – FAQ – etc.

I have close zero desire for sexual expression of any kind with my husband. I masturbate maybe half a dozen times in a year. I don't particularly enjoy sex, skip over those parts in books, am enbarassed by it in movies and, for the most part, my fantasies, while vivid and kinky, don't involve me. I've had sex with men and women and neither really do it for me. The whole thing makes me uncomfortable in most circumstances and, on occasion, utterly disgusted. I can't wait for it to be over.

BUT, I enjoy the power game of sex. It turns me on to seduce a new partner and give them a mind blowing experience. Maybe see them a few times after that and then I'm done trying to prove myself and start to get repulsed by the thought, let alone the act. In every long term relationship, the sexual aspect fizzles out because I just don't want to do it.

Luckily, my husband is very understanding and we're working out ways to get his needs met. Still, I don't know what to call myself. I've been told I'm frigid, have intimacy issues or I'm asexual.

I genuinely don't know what it is and every therapist has sought to treat this as an intimacy issue. I'm just fine without sex, I only think about it with guilt that I've saddled someone else with a disinterested partner. If that wasn't in play, I wouldn't worry about it. And, to be clear, I'm intimate with my husband in many other ways, including physical touch (hugs, massage, back scratches, hair petting, cuddling). Those aspects of intimacy are very important to me. Sexual intercourse is not.

June 17, 2021 at 12:00AM