/u/Lionoras on A few hours ago, a man on a relationship forum posted about breaking up with his SO for not being sexually attracted to him. As much as I don't shame him...such cases always evoke a big anxiety in me personally. Anyone else?

Yeah, I'd like to be upfront too, but I'm never sure when is the right timing. And how to express it correctly!

I mean, before you have sex -sure. You should tell it, because then you already have a level of intimicy where you can tell it. Not directly on the first few dates, because that could come off rather than an insult. Not in a "confession" way, because then it sounds like I somehow have a problem. You know, some form of "Hi, my name is Lio and I have no attraction to bodies", sounds like "Hi, I'm a registered sex offender" tone wise.

All in all it's like...on one side, you don't want to fucking scare away someone who thinks all kind of...well..."propaganda" (sex without attraction is bad, closeted lesbian, you want my money, no sex at all...) and on the other side you don't want to be caught with someone that you stay around 6months and then he finds out and starts nagging you to bits.

Rn, my only idea is to sit down and have a long talk, after there's some kind of opportunity. Like...he sends a nude and wants a response. I know attraction is about validation, so it would make sense to give a good lang talk, so he knows that I am attracted to him & love him...just not sexually. If he understands, then it's nice. If he gets angry, insulting, doesn't let me talk, accuses me of cheating or tries worse, I know I dodged a bullet. And if he decides that he simply can't continue a relationship because he lacks a form of validation, even with all the other kinds of validation present...then yeah. There are worse things to break up about, I guess.

Furthermore: even in the allo-world, your Ex is def. a general POS. Saying "have sex or you don't love me" is emotional blackmail. Good thing this asshole is an ex now





June 06, 2021 at 11:25PM
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