Am I handling this appropriately, or have I already messed up?

Short backstory: My (31F) very soon to be ex-husband and I separated almost exactly a year ago. It has been a long year, but my lawyer is finally at the point where he's drawing up final paperwork, so my divorce should be actually finalized very, very soon. No kids, no shared owned property. He moved 5 hours away to live with his girlfriend less than a month after we split. They are now about to have a baby. I have zero feelings for him, did my "grieving" and healing, and have been ready to meet other people.

I met a guy on a dating app a little over a month ago. Being close to finalizing a divorce and explaining all of that was not something I wanted to disclose to just anyone and everyone right off the bat, so before our first date, I decided I'd see how it would go and go from there if he asked me out again, if I felt a connection, etc. Our first date went very well and we made plans for a second one before the first was over. We don't live in the same city, so he is coming to me soon for this date. We have texted every single day, throughout the day, since we've met. I've wanted to bring up the "issue" so badly, but I truly feel like it is something I should bring up in person so nothing is misunderstood via text and it is more personal. Because of distance/covid, it will be three weeks since our first date that I see him in person again.

Have I potentially fucked up by not saying anything yet via text? Or is it okay to want to wait and talk about it in person? My intention has not been to hide anything or be deceptive in the least, but I wanted to see if I felt like things were going anywhere before I just dropped that on him and risked scaring him off. Is a month in to seeing someone (meeting once so far) too late to say "hey, by the way, I'm technically still married but my divorce should be finalized any day now?"

Men: how would you feel if someone you were interested in told you this a month in to talking? Would you be understanding if she had wanted to wait to talk in person?

I really like this guy and I feel like there's potential here, but I'm worried I've fucked up and he's going to think I've been "lying" to him, when I honestly was just waiting for the right time. :(



Submitted November 18, 2020 at 12:03AM

Short backstory: My (31F) very soon to be ex-husband and I separated almost exactly a year ago. It has been a long year, but my lawyer is finally at the point where he's drawing up final paperwork, so my divorce should be actually finalized very, very soon. No kids, no shared owned property. He moved 5 hours away to live with his girlfriend less than a month after we split. They are now about to have a baby. I have zero feelings for him, did my "grieving" and healing, and have been ready to meet other people.I met a guy on a dating app a little over a month ago. Being close to finalizing a divorce and explaining all of that was not something I wanted to disclose to just anyone and everyone right off the bat, so before our first date, I decided I'd see how it would go and go from there if he asked me out again, if I felt a connection, etc. Our first date went very well and we made plans for a second one before the first was over. We don't live in the same city, so he is coming to me soon for this date. We have texted every single day, throughout the day, since we've met. I've wanted to bring up the "issue" so badly, but I truly feel like it is something I should bring up in person so nothing is misunderstood via text and it is more personal. Because of distance/covid, it will be three weeks since our first date that I see him in person again.Have I potentially fucked up by not saying anything yet via text? Or is it okay to want to wait and talk about it in person? My intention has not been to hide anything or be deceptive in the least, but I wanted to see if I felt like things were going anywhere before I just dropped that on him and risked scaring him off. Is a month in to seeing someone (meeting once so far) too late to say "hey, by the way, I'm technically still married but my divorce should be finalized any day now?"Men: how would you feel if someone you were interested in told you this a month in to talking? Would you be understanding if she had wanted to wait to talk in person?I really like this guy and I feel like there's potential here, but I'm worried I've fucked up and he's going to think I've been "lying" to him, when I honestly was just waiting for the right time. :(
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