/u/reluctant_spinster on Accepting sex-repulsion

I experience pretty bad sex repulsion and I haven't had sexual trauma either. But what I find odd is that I wasn't sex repulsed until I actually had sex. Up until then I was actually looking forward to having sexual relationships. I've been in two relationships and kept hoping in both that I would grow to enjoy it but I wasn't successful. I'm not sure where the repulsion comes from. I wonder if there's some deep subconscious shit going on where the repulsion is just another way to prevent close relationships (I also suffer from Avoidant Personality Disorder so I have a long history of pushing people away).

I feel sad because I don't want to be like this. I tend to have a lot of FOMO. Sometimes I think about wanting to at least try for another relationship, but my brain goes immediately to how much it took to get into a place where I didn't gag during sex (or even kissing). I'm just gonna have to accept that I will forever find intimacy gross.





November 01, 2020 at 12:01AM
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