How to handle a situation where I’m being vetted and qualified

I marched with a girl on hinge. We haven’t met yet. Her profile seemed compatible with my interests, she seems good looking, and potentially someone who I’d like to meet.

After some chit chat about mutual interests, I asked her if she would like to meet up for coffee, or do a video date next week. She responded by saying she is carefully vetting people right now because of covid and wants to see if we would be compatible in our outlook towards relationships, kids, expectations, dealbreakers etc... no big deal, I answered those questions, asked her the same, and I think we’re on the same page.

Now she wants to have a call or video chat before she agrees to a date to see if we’re on the same page and to see if there are any red flags.

This whole situation seems weird to me. I want to meet her and see if we would get along, but I feel like I’m being made to check all her boxes before we’ve even met. For me, the box checking comes after meeting someone and finding out if you’re compatible.

I ended a relationship a year ago where I realized my behaviour communicated that I had low self esteem and no boundaries. I’m not keen to repeat that mistake even before a first date. I’ve finally reached a point in my life that I have self respect, and truly believe that I have a lot to offer a partner. I have my shit together, I’m ready to commit, and I feel like I’m that guy who all the girls on this subreddit complain that they can’t find

Any advice on what to do here? I haven’t replied to her latest message yet (she knows I’m doing a lot of driving right now so not a big deal yet).

Side note - if I do reply with a “thanks, but not interested in being vetted to the extreme before a first date”, is there a way to communicate that politely in a way that demonstrates self respect, confidence and advice/helpfulness. I don’t want to come off as bitter and rude, but don’t want her thinking that this kind of thing will ever attract a high quality man.

Submitted October 14, 2020 at 01:16AM

I marched with a girl on hinge. We haven’t met yet. Her profile seemed compatible with my interests, she seems good looking, and potentially someone who I’d like to meet.After some chit chat about mutual interests, I asked her if she would like to meet up for coffee, or do a video date next week. She responded by saying she is carefully vetting people right now because of covid and wants to see if we would be compatible in our outlook towards relationships, kids, expectations, dealbreakers etc... no big deal, I answered those questions, asked her the same, and I think we’re on the same page.Now she wants to have a call or video chat before she agrees to a date to see if we’re on the same page and to see if there are any red flags.This whole situation seems weird to me. I want to meet her and see if we would get along, but I feel like I’m being made to check all her boxes before we’ve even met. For me, the box checking comes after meeting someone and finding out if you’re compatible.I ended a relationship a year ago where I realized my behaviour communicated that I had low self esteem and no boundaries. I’m not keen to repeat that mistake even before a first date. I’ve finally reached a point in my life that I have self respect, and truly believe that I have a lot to offer a partner. I have my shit together, I’m ready to commit, and I feel like I’m that guy who all the girls on this subreddit complain that they can’t findAny advice on what to do here? I haven’t replied to her latest message yet (she knows I’m doing a lot of driving right now so not a big deal yet).Side note - if I do reply with a “thanks, but not interested in being vetted to the extreme before a first date”, is there a way to communicate that politely in a way that demonstrates self respect, confidence and advice/helpfulness. I don’t want to come off as bitter and rude, but don’t want her thinking that this kind of thing will ever attract a high quality man.