Don't look for friends on dating apps.

I matched with a cute guy a couple days ago. Best conversation and connection I've ever had through an app. Very deep, honest, funny, etc. I was so excited to meet him. Then he said those words... "I'm not looking for a relationship. I'm just looking for friends."

Follow up questions reveal that he isn't talking about FWB. Or casual. He's legit looking for regular friends. He's terrified of romantic relationships after his divorce and just wants deep connection with no romance.

I'm proud of myself. I didn't schedule a date with him in hopes our in person chemistry would change his mind. I also didn't pretend like I wanted to hang out as friends when I'm looking for a relationship. I just thanked him for being honest and told him we shouldn't waste each others time.

I know that seems like a no brainer, but my people pleasing and recovering codependent tendencies wanted me to tell him that we could be friends. But it's not what I want. And I don't actually have time for more friends.

I also told him it was kind of disingenuous looking for friends on a dating app.

Anyway, it was a small victory. I'm happy to see that I'm slowly setting/upholding boundaries for myself and saying no to everything that isn't what I want.



Submitted October 14, 2020 at 01:35AM

I matched with a cute guy a couple days ago. Best conversation and connection I've ever had through an app. Very deep, honest, funny, etc. I was so excited to meet him. Then he said those words... "I'm not looking for a relationship. I'm just looking for friends."Follow up questions reveal that he isn't talking about FWB. Or casual. He's legit looking for regular friends. He's terrified of romantic relationships after his divorce and just wants deep connection with no romance.I'm proud of myself. I didn't schedule a date with him in hopes our in person chemistry would change his mind. I also didn't pretend like I wanted to hang out as friends when I'm looking for a relationship. I just thanked him for being honest and told him we shouldn't waste each others time.I know that seems like a no brainer, but my people pleasing and recovering codependent tendencies wanted me to tell him that we could be friends. But it's not what I want. And I don't actually have time for more friends.I also told him it was kind of disingenuous looking for friends on a dating app.Anyway, it was a small victory. I'm happy to see that I'm slowly setting/upholding boundaries for myself and saying no to everything that isn't what I want.
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