Wife says she doesn't want to be married anymore, suggests separating

First time posting, not sure where else to then to. My wife (F33) and I (M27) have been married for 2 years and together for 6. I apologize for the length of this but I'm trying my best to explain how I feel we got to this point. My wife made it clear early on that she wanted to settle down quick and start a family because she has endometriosis and was approaching her 30s, I was very apprehensive at the time because I was in my early 20s and we had low paying jobs and no college degrees. I loved her more than anything in this world and told her we would be married soon. Well soon came and went and she watched me blow 500$ i recieved from family on everything but an engagement ring. If I loved her as much as I said at the time I should have made it a priority. Eventually I did save up again for a ring and we got engaged and married the year following. We started trying for a baby right after due to her having endo and her clock ticking so to speak. At the time she had quit her job and the financial stress was placed on me. I knew we wanted to have a baby and I would need to support a family. I turned down a high paying job opportunity from my dad to go to school for IT. School went great for a month but soon the stress of working full time and going to school overwhelmed me. I started to fail at school. Instead of sharing my struggles with her I lied about school and told her everything was going great. I planned on retaking the classes I was failing and all would be well. Until she read a letter in the mail from the school saying I was on academic probation. I apologized as much as I could and swore never to hide anything again. I reverted my plan and took classes related to the job my dad was trying to get me. I waited over a year for them to hire with no postings in sight. Our daughter was born and my wife was still a stay at home mom never returning to work. Then Coronavirus hit and I was an essential worker. It put even more strain on our marriage. We haven't been on a date in almost a year. Many fights have occurred thru our marriage but most we have worked out in a few days. Fast forward to this week my dad tells me the posting for the job is up and I should apply, I sent him my resume to look over and he liked it but was going to send it to his friend on the Selection team to see if he had any suggestions. 2 days past and I didn't hear back from my dad. I looked the next morning and they already removed the posting. I missed my opportunity to apply for a high paying job that would allow our family to grow out of used cars and apartment life. I had no contingency plan. I make 60k a year at my current dead end job but it is spread paycheck to paycheck supporting a family of 4 ( our daughter and hers from a previous marriage) with no plan for the future in sight I understand her anger and resentment for me. I am supposed to be the man who provides and takes us where we want in life, but she cant even count on me to apply on my own for a job. I love her and our kids to more than anything in this world and want to do anything possible to make things right and save our marriage. We have also had other issues along the way, expressing intimacy appropriately, sharing the mental load etc. But this feels like the worst I have ever messed up. It's a mess up 2 years in the making. I should have had a better plan knowing I wanted to have kids and raise a family. I have filled out the intake forms for mental health services and plan to start them next week to help better myself and hopefully learn from my mistakes. I have applied to 5+ jobs today that all make more than my current salary. I'm looking for any advice on how I can save my marriage and learn to be the man my wife needs me to be.

Submitted September 26, 2020 at 11:56PM

First time posting, not sure where else to then to. My wife (F33) and I (M27) have been married for 2 years and together for 6. I apologize for the length of this but I'm trying my best to explain how I feel we got to this point. My wife made it clear early on that she wanted to settle down quick and start a family because she has endometriosis and was approaching her 30s, I was very apprehensive at the time because I was in my early 20s and we had low paying jobs and no college degrees. I loved her more than anything in this world and told her we would be married soon. Well soon came and went and she watched me blow 500$ i recieved from family on everything but an engagement ring. If I loved her as much as I said at the time I should have made it a priority. Eventually I did save up again for a ring and we got engaged and married the year following. We started trying for a baby right after due to her having endo and her clock ticking so to speak. At the time she had quit her job and the financial stress was placed on me. I knew we wanted to have a baby and I would need to support a family. I turned down a high paying job opportunity from my dad to go to school for IT. School went great for a month but soon the stress of working full time and going to school overwhelmed me. I started to fail at school. Instead of sharing my struggles with her I lied about school and told her everything was going great. I planned on retaking the classes I was failing and all would be well. Until she read a letter in the mail from the school saying I was on academic probation. I apologized as much as I could and swore never to hide anything again. I reverted my plan and took classes related to the job my dad was trying to get me. I waited over a year for them to hire with no postings in sight. Our daughter was born and my wife was still a stay at home mom never returning to work. Then Coronavirus hit and I was an essential worker. It put even more strain on our marriage. We haven't been on a date in almost a year. Many fights have occurred thru our marriage but most we have worked out in a few days. Fast forward to this week my dad tells me the posting for the job is up and I should apply, I sent him my resume to look over and he liked it but was going to send it to his friend on the Selection team to see if he had any suggestions. 2 days past and I didn't hear back from my dad. I looked the next morning and they already removed the posting. I missed my opportunity to apply for a high paying job that would allow our family to grow out of used cars and apartment life. I had no contingency plan. I make 60k a year at my current dead end job but it is spread paycheck to paycheck supporting a family of 4 ( our daughter and hers from a previous marriage) with no plan for the future in sight I understand her anger and resentment for me. I am supposed to be the man who provides and takes us where we want in life, but she cant even count on me to apply on my own for a job. I love her and our kids to more than anything in this world and want to do anything possible to make things right and save our marriage. We have also had other issues along the way, expressing intimacy appropriately, sharing the mental load etc. But this feels like the worst I have ever messed up. It's a mess up 2 years in the making. I should have had a better plan knowing I wanted to have kids and raise a family. I have filled out the intake forms for mental health services and plan to start them next week to help better myself and hopefully learn from my mistakes. I have applied to 5+ jobs today that all make more than my current salary. I'm looking for any advice on how I can save my marriage and learn to be the man my wife needs me to be.