/u/RABlackAuthor on I don´t know how to explain my asexuality

Time is your friend. Time will give you more experiences that will help you figure out who you are. Time will introduce you to new possibilities. Time will give you the confidence to ignore what other people say. And time will show the people in your life that you really are who you say you are.

I didn't "discover girls" until I was 20 and in college. (My college friends found it very amusing, let me tell you.) I thought that meant I was "normal" and started trying to do "what I was supposed to do." I was even married for 5 years, which was a total disaster. This was back in the 80s and 90s, before asexuality was a thing people talked about or identified as, so I had to figure things out on my own. Looking back with what I know now, it's apparent to me that I never experienced this mysterious "sexual attraction" that people are supposed to feel.

At age 36, I decided to reject "what I was supposed to do" and just be on my own. That was 20 years ago, and I'm still going strong. Society tries to tell you it's a binary choice, romance/sex or loneliness, but it's not. There are all sorts of other possibilities out there, if you keep yourself open to them.

As for parents, however... well, my 82 year-old mother still asks me why the only "girl" I ever talk about is the young lesbian woman who is like a daughter to me. Some things you've just got to live with.

I don't know what the future holds for you, but I do know that a good life is possible. You can do it.





September 26, 2020 at 11:27PM
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