Am I Wrong (24f) For Being Upset That My Husband m(26m) Got A Lapdance?

ETA; we have discussed this many times prior to the wedding and the fact that I am not comfortable with him going to a strip club for various reasons. He was well aware of this fact but chose to do so anyway. It’s made worse by the fact that it was his idea to begin with.

Throw away for obvious reasons. My husband and I got married Aug 22.

Now, in the past 13 years (Together since 12/13) there have been some ups&downs on both our parts. For the last year, we’ve struggled with him watching obscene amounts of porn while neglecting our relationship in the bedroom. We’ve since talked things through&it has gotten better. My confidence is still at an all time low though.

The night before our wedding we went our separate ways. He went with his groomsmen, I went with my bridesmaids. We had all discussed plans beforehand&everyone agreed we didn’t want a wild night out. I had even told my husband that they were free to go out if they wanted, I just preferred he not go to a strip club. He declined and said he’d rather everyone just stay home with our friends at their respective houses, drinking a little and just having a good time.

that’s exactly what the girls&I did. My bridesmaids were taking turns texting their SO’s and asking about their night, etc. I left my husband to his own devices because I had complete faith and trust in him. He texted me a few times to let me know he loved me, etc.

The girls at one point asked me if I thought the guys would be into anything tonight and I even told them no, I doubted it because my husband was the type to keep his word.

The next day is the wedding. We opt out of seeing each other before for sake of tradition. Everything runs smoothly. His groomsmen are in and out of the bridal cabin to check on us and make sure we had everything. They were super attentive and we all talked about how sweet it was and it must be because of the occasion. Wrong.

So the wedding goes on. Perfect in every way. We get married. I’m feeling immensely happy, both from the evening and from the wine. Anyway, we’re headed to the hotel and he says he has something to tell me. At this point, I’m giddy&don’t realize anything is up. He then tells me the night before he and the guys ended up at the strip club. I’m hurt for obvious reasons. I ask him what happened, did he spend any of our money there, did he get a lap dance, etc.

He says no to everything. I’m crying but I agree to get over it& have a nice night. Fast forward to last Saturday. My email pings while we’re at his brothers. It’s our bank statement for the last two weeks. I look at it and see a 130.00 atm withdrawal for 2hrs away. I google the address because I’m confused and it shows up the strip club.

I call my other BIL and ask him about it (my husband had went to the store) &he admits that yes, my husband withdrew money and that he got a lap dance but begged me not to say anything. He said he only withdrew money for drinks and food and that he (my BIL) called a stripper over and bought him a dance.

My husband returns and I ask him again if he got money out at the strip club and he lies. So I pull up the bank statement. He says it’s not from the strip club and his brother backs him up. So I pull up the address. Now they’re both white in the face and my SIL is glaring at my BIL (his brother). So then I ask him again if anything happened and he said no.

Then his phone starts ringing. He comes out about ten minutes later& I get a text from my BIL saying he told him that I knew. He says nothing to me. So I ask him. He says he didn’t get a lap dance, it was a private dance where she danced on a chair.

I’m obviously upset that he’s still lying and his brother is backing him so I excuse myself and leave. The next morning I wake up and he tells me that he lied, he did get a full contact lap dance and then he says he picked the stripper&paid himself. I feel like our marriage started on a lie. I cried on my own wedding night. Then I find out, he had picked the stripper he wanted a lap dance from and paid her himself. So now I feel betrayed by everyone. Everyone knew the day of my wedding but refused to tell me because they didn’t want me to call it off.

Now we’re 2weeks in&I’m really reevaluating everything. I’ve taken to sleeping on the couch and not speaking unless spoken to. AITA?

TLDR; Am I wrong for being upset&not giving forgiveness right away for my husband lying to me about the strip club for 2weeks after our wedding? Where would I even go from here?

Submitted September 02, 2020 at 11:34PM

ETA; we have discussed this many times prior to the wedding and the fact that I am not comfortable with him going to a strip club for various reasons. He was well aware of this fact but chose to do so anyway. It’s made worse by the fact that it was his idea to begin with.Throw away for obvious reasons. My husband and I got married Aug 22.Now, in the past 13 years (Together since 12/13) there have been some ups&downs on both our parts. For the last year, we’ve struggled with him watching obscene amounts of porn while neglecting our relationship in the bedroom. We’ve since talked things through&it has gotten better. My confidence is still at an all time low though.The night before our wedding we went our separate ways. He went with his groomsmen, I went with my bridesmaids. We had all discussed plans beforehand&everyone agreed we didn’t want a wild night out. I had even told my husband that they were free to go out if they wanted, I just preferred he not go to a strip club. He declined and said he’d rather everyone just stay home with our friends at their respective houses, drinking a little and just having a good time.that’s exactly what the girls&I did. My bridesmaids were taking turns texting their SO’s and asking about their night, etc. I left my husband to his own devices because I had complete faith and trust in him. He texted me a few times to let me know he loved me, etc.The girls at one point asked me if I thought the guys would be into anything tonight and I even told them no, I doubted it because my husband was the type to keep his word.The next day is the wedding. We opt out of seeing each other before for sake of tradition. Everything runs smoothly. His groomsmen are in and out of the bridal cabin to check on us and make sure we had everything. They were super attentive and we all talked about how sweet it was and it must be because of the occasion. Wrong.So the wedding goes on. Perfect in every way. We get married. I’m feeling immensely happy, both from the evening and from the wine. Anyway, we’re headed to the hotel and he says he has something to tell me. At this point, I’m giddy&don’t realize anything is up. He then tells me the night before he and the guys ended up at the strip club. I’m hurt for obvious reasons. I ask him what happened, did he spend any of our money there, did he get a lap dance, etc.He says no to everything. I’m crying but I agree to get over it& have a nice night. Fast forward to last Saturday. My email pings while we’re at his brothers. It’s our bank statement for the last two weeks. I look at it and see a 130.00 atm withdrawal for 2hrs away. I google the address because I’m confused and it shows up the strip club.I call my other BIL and ask him about it (my husband had went to the store) &he admits that yes, my husband withdrew money and that he got a lap dance but begged me not to say anything. He said he only withdrew money for drinks and food and that he (my BIL) called a stripper over and bought him a dance.My husband returns and I ask him again if he got money out at the strip club and he lies. So I pull up the bank statement. He says it’s not from the strip club and his brother backs him up. So I pull up the address. Now they’re both white in the face and my SIL is glaring at my BIL (his brother). So then I ask him again if anything happened and he said no.Then his phone starts ringing. He comes out about ten minutes later& I get a text from my BIL saying he told him that I knew. He says nothing to me. So I ask him. He says he didn’t get a lap dance, it was a private dance where she danced on a chair.I’m obviously upset that he’s still lying and his brother is backing him so I excuse myself and leave. The next morning I wake up and he tells me that he lied, he did get a full contact lap dance and then he says he picked the stripper&paid himself. I feel like our marriage started on a lie. I cried on my own wedding night. Then I find out, he had picked the stripper he wanted a lap dance from and paid her himself. So now I feel betrayed by everyone. Everyone knew the day of my wedding but refused to tell me because they didn’t want me to call it off.Now we’re 2weeks in&I’m really reevaluating everything. I’ve taken to sleeping on the couch and not speaking unless spoken to. AITA?TLDR; Am I wrong for being upset¬ giving forgiveness right away for my husband lying to me about the strip club for 2weeks after our wedding? Where would I even go from here?