Breadcrumbing

I moved to a different country earlier this year. I’ve just about settled down and decided to start dating again. About a month ago I (M36) signed up on tinder and met a date (M40). We went on a few dates and it was quickly made clear that he’s not looking for a relationship but would be ok with an intimate friendship. I’m not opposed to that because I don’t believe in monogamy. We spoke a lot about that and seemed to agree with it. However, he’s also a bit of an asexual.

After 3 dates we took things further and got intimate (not all the way). I asked for his permission every step of the way as I was trying to understand his limits. He said he didn’t have limits but as we continued I noticed the limits. But that’s beside the point.

I also believe that if I’m intimate with some we’d speak regularly and not just when there’s a need to get intimate. I noticed that after our intimate session he spoke less. I told him I liked him and yes I respect his decision to not be in a relationship. He acknowledged that my being in his life in the past weeks has been great but his actions didn’t mirror that.

I figured that he’s not keen to even be friends given the tone and frequency of his replies. I pulled away cause I got the hint. But he’d come back when I pulled back. Classic breadcrumbing. I’d get excited and think I overreacted. But then the pattern will start again.

Anyway I’ve decided to cut him off, like remove him from my contact list. I like him a lot. Even as a friend to hang out and explore the country with once travel restrictions ease. But I’m realising that friendship is not even his plan.

I’ve never been with an asexual person before. Is this typical or is he just not into me? How do you deal with bread crumbers? I’d hoped I’d never have to deal with this at my age. But here we are.

Submitted August 18, 2020 at 11:54PM

I moved to a different country earlier this year. I’ve just about settled down and decided to start dating again. About a month ago I (M36) signed up on tinder and met a date (M40). We went on a few dates and it was quickly made clear that he’s not looking for a relationship but would be ok with an intimate friendship. I’m not opposed to that because I don’t believe in monogamy. We spoke a lot about that and seemed to agree with it. However, he’s also a bit of an asexual.After 3 dates we took things further and got intimate (not all the way). I asked for his permission every step of the way as I was trying to understand his limits. He said he didn’t have limits but as we continued I noticed the limits. But that’s beside the point.I also believe that if I’m intimate with some we’d speak regularly and not just when there’s a need to get intimate. I noticed that after our intimate session he spoke less. I told him I liked him and yes I respect his decision to not be in a relationship. He acknowledged that my being in his life in the past weeks has been great but his actions didn’t mirror that.I figured that he’s not keen to even be friends given the tone and frequency of his replies. I pulled away cause I got the hint. But he’d come back when I pulled back. Classic breadcrumbing. I’d get excited and think I overreacted. But then the pattern will start again.Anyway I’ve decided to cut him off, like remove him from my contact list. I like him a lot. Even as a friend to hang out and explore the country with once travel restrictions ease. But I’m realising that friendship is not even his plan.I’ve never been with an asexual person before. Is this typical or is he just not into me? How do you deal with bread crumbers? I’d hoped I’d never have to deal with this at my age. But here we are.