Realizing sex might be the only thing I really miss about relationships...

I've (35F) been on a break from dating for a few weeks now. Yes, it's still very early in this process but I can't deny that I'm mentally heading in a particular direction: I just can't be bothered.

It could be that I'm burnt out (I've spent the past two years prior to this dating almost non-stop. I've had 3 boyfriends and probably close to 100 dates), but I'm also wondering if it's deeper than that.

I'm financially independent/self-sufficient, I'm a divorcee and I have children (so no biological clock), I enjoy my own company, I have hobbies, friends and I love the city I live in. The longer this dating break goes on the more I'm like, 'Why the hell didn't I do this sooner???'

As I reflect on the dating I've done I'm realizing that a lot of it boiled down to two things:

  1. Frantically chasing my 'happy ending' after a painful divorce.
  2. Wanting sex.

As time goes on that first point becomes less valid because as I get older I realize that a 'happy ending' can look like soooo many different things -- some involving a relationship and some not. Life is so multifaceted. There are so many meaningful and gratifying ways to live. Not all involve marriage.

But the second point is really the one I'm contending with. Yes, masturbation is always there but IMO it doesn't substitute for good sex.

I'm kind of sitting with this now and thinking it through. When I do put myself back out there, should I change what I'm looking for? Should I just look for a casual relationship that is respectful but primarily sexual in nature? Should I give up on the idea of having a full fledged "boyfriend"?

My questions: Can anyone relate to this? And has anyone out there kind of moved away from looking for a LTR and settled into a casual sexual relationship? What are the pros and cons? What was your experience like?



Submitted July 02, 2020 at 11:41PM

I've (35F) been on a break from dating for a few weeks now. Yes, it's still very early in this process but I can't deny that I'm mentally heading in a particular direction: I just can't be bothered.It could be that I'm burnt out (I've spent the past two years prior to this dating almost non-stop. I've had 3 boyfriends and probably close to 100 dates), but I'm also wondering if it's deeper than that.I'm financially independent/self-sufficient, I'm a divorcee and I have children (so no biological clock), I enjoy my own company, I have hobbies, friends and I love the city I live in. The longer this dating break goes on the more I'm like, 'Why the hell didn't I do this sooner???'As I reflect on the dating I've done I'm realizing that a lot of it boiled down to two things:Frantically chasing my 'happy ending' after a painful divorce.Wanting sex.As time goes on that first point becomes less valid because as I get older I realize that a 'happy ending' can look like soooo many different things -- some involving a relationship and some not. Life is so multifaceted. There are so many meaningful and gratifying ways to live. Not all involve marriage.But the second point is really the one I'm contending with. Yes, masturbation is always there but IMO it doesn't substitute for good sex.I'm kind of sitting with this now and thinking it through. When I do put myself back out there, should I change what I'm looking for? Should I just look for a casual relationship that is respectful but primarily sexual in nature? Should I give up on the idea of having a full fledged "boyfriend"?My questions: Can anyone relate to this? And has anyone out there kind of moved away from looking for a LTR and settled into a casual sexual relationship? What are the pros and cons? What was your experience like?
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