Realizing sex might be the only thing I really miss about relationships...

I've (35F) been on a break from dating for a few weeks now. Yes, it's still very early in this process but I can't deny that I'm mentally heading in a particular direction: I just can't be bothered.

It could be that I'm burnt out (I've spent the past two years prior to this dating almost non-stop. I've had 3 boyfriends and probably close to 100 dates), but I'm also wondering if it's deeper than that.

I'm financially independent/self-sufficient, I'm a divorcee and I have children (so no biological clock), I enjoy my own company, I have hobbies, friends and I love the city I live in. The longer this dating break goes on the more I'm like, 'Why the hell didn't I do this sooner???'

As I reflect on the dating I've done I'm realizing that a lot of it boiled down to two things:

  1. Frantically chasing my 'happy ending' after a painful divorce.
  2. Wanting sex.

As time goes on that first point becomes less valid because as I get older I realize that a 'happy ending' can look like soooo many different things -- some involving a relationship and some not. Life is so multifaceted. There are so many meaningful and gratifying ways to live. Not all involve marriage.

But the second point is really the one I'm contending with. Yes, masturbation is always there but IMO it doesn't substitute for good sex.

I'm kind of sitting with this now and thinking it through. When I do put myself back out there, should I change what I'm looking for? Should I just look for a casual relationship that is respectful but primarily sexual in nature? Should I give up on the idea of having a full fledged "boyfriend"?

My questions: Can anyone relate to this? And has anyone out there kind of moved away from looking for a LTR and settled into a casual sexual relationship? What are the pros and cons? What was your experience like?



Submitted July 02, 2020 at 11:41PM

I've (35F) been on a break from dating for a few weeks now. Yes, it's still very early in this process but I can't deny that I'm mentally heading in a particular direction: I just can't be bothered.It could be that I'm burnt out (I've spent the past two years prior to this dating almost non-stop. I've had 3 boyfriends and probably close to 100 dates), but I'm also wondering if it's deeper than that.I'm financially independent/self-sufficient, I'm a divorcee and I have children (so no biological clock), I enjoy my own company, I have hobbies, friends and I love the city I live in. The longer this dating break goes on the more I'm like, 'Why the hell didn't I do this sooner???'As I reflect on the dating I've done I'm realizing that a lot of it boiled down to two things:Frantically chasing my 'happy ending' after a painful divorce.Wanting sex.As time goes on that first point becomes less valid because as I get older I realize that a 'happy ending' can look like soooo many different things -- some involving a relationship and some not. Life is so multifaceted. There are so many meaningful and gratifying ways to live. Not all involve marriage.But the second point is really the one I'm contending with. Yes, masturbation is always there but IMO it doesn't substitute for good sex.I'm kind of sitting with this now and thinking it through. When I do put myself back out there, should I change what I'm looking for? Should I just look for a casual relationship that is respectful but primarily sexual in nature? Should I give up on the idea of having a full fledged "boyfriend"?My questions: Can anyone relate to this? And has anyone out there kind of moved away from looking for a LTR and settled into a casual sexual relationship? What are the pros and cons? What was your experience like?
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Add Comments, Posts, Links... etc.

Popular posts from this blog

The difference between being right and being understood

My boyfriend and I are 28. We’ve been together for about 1.5 years and recently moved in together. He’s a pretty patient and easygoing person (Type B) whereas I’m more particular (Type A). Of course there are two sides to every trait, and my Type A nature benefits us in some ways too. Like all couples, we have differences in perspective or preference. When this happens, he will usually say something like “I disagree (with your perspective) but fine.” I tend to push the issue in an attempt to get him to understand where I’m coming from. This escalates the disagreement into a fight because he perceives it as me trying to be “right”. I truly just want to be understood (and I want to understand where he’s coming from) so I’m looking for more of a dialogue whereas he avoids conflict and just wants it to be over as quickly as possible. His general approach is “agree to disagree” but that doesn’t make sense to me when it’s an issue that will keep coming up and requires compromise. I’m n...
Read more

My (27f) gf (27f) is getting tired of me not sharing intimate/ personal info about me

I’ve always been extremely private and introverted. We have more than a year together and we’ve been living together for like 6 months, we get along pretty good and I’m really in love with her, however I can not seem to open up... and I can tell it’s frustrating to her by the way she tells me it bothers her that she feels she’s the only one committed and the one that’s always sharing... At this point I don’t even know if it is that I’ve gotten too used to it, to the point I’ve became lazy to talk about myself or give any genuine personal opinion... it sucks, really, I need to communicate better... Where do I start? Tl;dr: I can’t be completely intimate with my gf and its frustrating her, I need to communicate better because I really love her... where to start? Submitted April 25, 2019 at 06:02AM I’ve always been extremely private and introverted. We have more than a year together and we’ve been living together for like 6 months, we get along pretty good and I’m really in love ...
Read more

My (23M) girlfriend (25F) relationship is confusing to me. I might be the problem, or maybe we are just incompatible.

I met my girlfriend after a few serious breakups that led me to change both intentionally and unintentionally over a few years. For better and for worse. She had just gotten out of an engagement with a verbally and physically abusive man who had a cocaine problem. We have been together about 8 months now. We hit it off and spent a lot of time together but she began to push our relationship as if there were a time clock for milestones. I was pressed beyond my comfort zone and went with it because of my affection for her. My living situation fell apart and I lost a few thousand dollars to shit roommates right around the time she and I met and she offered to let me stay with her. I agreed with some resistance. I pay for food, help her with bills, and throw money toward rent while trying to get back on my feet. As long as we have been together she has gotten more possessive, angry, and irrational. She is dealing with shit from her engagement and I feel shes looking for a level of seriou...
Read more