A disagreement on finances (kids college savings)

My wife (43) and I (41) have been together for 15 years.

So what happened is that my mother beat us to the punch in creating a special kind of college savings account for our kids, that collects great interest, as well as it gets some great government grants.

We set up our own account for this, but unfortunately we are not eligible to receive the grants.

My wife has been telling me that she's concerned that my parents will one day turn 85 and just steal the money back and not give it to our kids. I have tried to swallow this, and accomodate her, and have not told my parents that is her reasoning for them to transfer the savings over to us. My parents have warned that we could lose interest from the transfer, as well as a few grants that are available where they live, and not here. But my wife will not listen, she is hell bent on having that money sent to us. This will require my parents to create a letter that states they are surrendering all control of the money they saved for their grandchildren.

At first I guess I didn't really want to believe that my wife was actually serious when she gave her reasons for this. My parents are good people. But now because my wife has been so relentless about all this, they have gone to the bank to make the arrangements. I actually find all of this very hurtful, and I feel completely caught in the middle here.

What bothers me is that my wife is suggesting that my family would steal from our kids, that I have to lie to my parents about her reasons (which I feel are unfounded, and unreasonable), and that it's ultimately my kids who are going to likely take a financial hit just to appease my wife, and I don't feel that's fair.

I have told my wife how all this makes me feel, but she remains adamant that she's doing the right thing, and that she doesn't understand why this has to be such a problem. In all honesty I feel this has more to do with her own father who gambled away their life savings than it does have anything to do with me or my family. And I know she will go ballistic on me if I suggest this.

I am a nervous wreck and very angry with her. I am accommodating what she wants, despite this feeling that this is all so very wrong. The growing resentment in me that has been building for years is now reached its breaking point. It has been years of her wanting a total level of control over all things, of her humiliating me in public, or in front of friends and family. And honestly I just want out of this marriage, I have no interest in counciling, I just want to be away from her.

What would you do? Am I being the unreasonable one here? I know she will tell me that I am not being supportive of her, and she will try to make me feel bad. Is this normal? Or is this something you would leave over?

Submitted July 03, 2020 at 11:43PM

My wife (43) and I (41) have been together for 15 years.So what happened is that my mother beat us to the punch in creating a special kind of college savings account for our kids, that collects great interest, as well as it gets some great government grants.We set up our own account for this, but unfortunately we are not eligible to receive the grants.My wife has been telling me that she's concerned that my parents will one day turn 85 and just steal the money back and not give it to our kids. I have tried to swallow this, and accomodate her, and have not told my parents that is her reasoning for them to transfer the savings over to us. My parents have warned that we could lose interest from the transfer, as well as a few grants that are available where they live, and not here. But my wife will not listen, she is hell bent on having that money sent to us. This will require my parents to create a letter that states they are surrendering all control of the money they saved for their grandchildren.At first I guess I didn't really want to believe that my wife was actually serious when she gave her reasons for this. My parents are good people. But now because my wife has been so relentless about all this, they have gone to the bank to make the arrangements. I actually find all of this very hurtful, and I feel completely caught in the middle here.What bothers me is that my wife is suggesting that my family would steal from our kids, that I have to lie to my parents about her reasons (which I feel are unfounded, and unreasonable), and that it's ultimately my kids who are going to likely take a financial hit just to appease my wife, and I don't feel that's fair.I have told my wife how all this makes me feel, but she remains adamant that she's doing the right thing, and that she doesn't understand why this has to be such a problem. In all honesty I feel this has more to do with her own father who gambled away their life savings than it does have anything to do with me or my family. And I know she will go ballistic on me if I suggest this.I am a nervous wreck and very angry with her. I am accommodating what she wants, despite this feeling that this is all so very wrong. The growing resentment in me that has been building for years is now reached its breaking point. It has been years of her wanting a total level of control over all things, of her humiliating me in public, or in front of friends and family. And honestly I just want out of this marriage, I have no interest in counciling, I just want to be away from her.What would you do? Am I being the unreasonable one here? I know she will tell me that I am not being supportive of her, and she will try to make me feel bad. Is this normal? Or is this something you would leave over?