/u/8halahala on [META] Giving visibility to posts and comments made by sex-positive aces

Thank you for posting this because as a long-time lurker I had no idea to what OP was referring as it was (in my browsing) the lack of toxicity and the support/positivity of the community that encouraged me to post in this sub and on this thread and it was my own fear/anxiety/heavy aversion to toxicity that kept me from weighing in during round 1.

Particularly due to negative experiences I have had as someone who is aroace and whatever comes between sex-repulsed and sex-indifferent/neutral, the original post made me really uncomfortable at first because I thought wait this was supposed to be like exactly the place some of us can say silly things like haha so ew sex amirite without being ostracized or facing the acephobia/erasure we may experience elsewhere. Like so much of the world is sex-focused, come on.

After thinking about it and taking some time, I think my experience of how supportive (I have seen) the community to be and its openness, willingness to educate and engage with everyone whether sex-repulsed or sex-pos aces, grey, demi, allo heavily influenced my reaction and initial defensiveness.

Just as others have pointed out here and there, my personal experience doesn't mean that there aren't people who are toxic and disparaging towards SPAs. My experience no way invalidates other peoples' experience of toxicity.

The however-many-thousand likes made me nervous and I'm still not comfortable with framing the toxicity as endemic to the whole sub (as others in this thread and original have addressed) but even reading many of the posts and seeing the measured, open, and fair discussions that I associate with this sub, it just for me reiterated the tolerance and empathy that makes this a safe place for me. I hope that for those who were feeling excluded, these discussions and the subsequent sex-pos posts/inclusion will help them to feel more included, safe, and welcome as they should here





June 10, 2020 at 11:26PM
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Add Comments, Posts, Links... etc.

Popular posts from this blog

The difference between being right and being understood

My boyfriend and I are 28. We’ve been together for about 1.5 years and recently moved in together. He’s a pretty patient and easygoing person (Type B) whereas I’m more particular (Type A). Of course there are two sides to every trait, and my Type A nature benefits us in some ways too. Like all couples, we have differences in perspective or preference. When this happens, he will usually say something like “I disagree (with your perspective) but fine.” I tend to push the issue in an attempt to get him to understand where I’m coming from. This escalates the disagreement into a fight because he perceives it as me trying to be “right”. I truly just want to be understood (and I want to understand where he’s coming from) so I’m looking for more of a dialogue whereas he avoids conflict and just wants it to be over as quickly as possible. His general approach is “agree to disagree” but that doesn’t make sense to me when it’s an issue that will keep coming up and requires compromise. I’m n
Read more

My (27f) gf (27f) is getting tired of me not sharing intimate/ personal info about me

I’ve always been extremely private and introverted. We have more than a year together and we’ve been living together for like 6 months, we get along pretty good and I’m really in love with her, however I can not seem to open up... and I can tell it’s frustrating to her by the way she tells me it bothers her that she feels she’s the only one committed and the one that’s always sharing... At this point I don’t even know if it is that I’ve gotten too used to it, to the point I’ve became lazy to talk about myself or give any genuine personal opinion... it sucks, really, I need to communicate better... Where do I start? Tl;dr: I can’t be completely intimate with my gf and its frustrating her, I need to communicate better because I really love her... where to start? Submitted April 25, 2019 at 06:02AM I’ve always been extremely private and introverted. We have more than a year together and we’ve been living together for like 6 months, we get along pretty good and I’m really in love
Read more

My (23M) girlfriend (25F) relationship is confusing to me. I might be the problem, or maybe we are just incompatible.

I met my girlfriend after a few serious breakups that led me to change both intentionally and unintentionally over a few years. For better and for worse. She had just gotten out of an engagement with a verbally and physically abusive man who had a cocaine problem. We have been together about 8 months now. We hit it off and spent a lot of time together but she began to push our relationship as if there were a time clock for milestones. I was pressed beyond my comfort zone and went with it because of my affection for her. My living situation fell apart and I lost a few thousand dollars to shit roommates right around the time she and I met and she offered to let me stay with her. I agreed with some resistance. I pay for food, help her with bills, and throw money toward rent while trying to get back on my feet. As long as we have been together she has gotten more possessive, angry, and irrational. She is dealing with shit from her engagement and I feel shes looking for a level of seriou
Read more