Husband says we’re just doing “okay”

My husband has struggled with bouts of depression on and off since before we got together. He was diagnosed as bi polar in college but he’s never really had bits of mania just OCD and depressive episodes. We’ve been together for seven years, married 5. When he’s struggling normally he has turned to me for comfort - but this time it’s different. He hasn’t had an episode for about 2 years - but since later this past fall he said he feels as if his hormones are changing, then suddenly in the last month he’s seemed really off - normal stress from work, and also working on his masters - but he’s struggled with ED as well. We’re still having frequently sex - he just has to take me Medicine. He says it’s not me he can’t self pleasure either. I’ve kept asking him if everything is okay between un and he says yes - but I’ve had the feeling it isn’t. Tonight I confronted him and he admitted I’m part of it which is why he has struggled to talk to me about it. He said he still loves me but he eluded to that he feels less in love with me - although he backtracked on this later? He also mentioned this shift has been happening slowly over time. I’m gutted. I can’t tell if he’s just having a mid life crisis or should I be more concerned? He doesn’t want to talk about it much and just gets mad when I push it. He’s still sweet and loving, he still actively pursues me for sex so I feel mind boggled. Is this a him thing? Or is it more of an us thing? He can’t seem to tell me what it is or what’s changed? Granted his job and school have been very high stress and without his outlet of work travel and the gym his schedule has shifted entirely and he’s someone who thrives in routine. I just want my husband back - I want to feel secure again. He’s my best friend. I hope he gets back into his routine and we’re okay and that he’s just speaking from a place of stress and depression. I know I’ve been really stressed with work lately as well so maybe I’m not exactly helping him feel better but still that shouldn’t change his love for me.

Submitted June 12, 2020 at 11:43PM

My husband has struggled with bouts of depression on and off since before we got together. He was diagnosed as bi polar in college but he’s never really had bits of mania just OCD and depressive episodes. We’ve been together for seven years, married 5. When he’s struggling normally he has turned to me for comfort - but this time it’s different. He hasn’t had an episode for about 2 years - but since later this past fall he said he feels as if his hormones are changing, then suddenly in the last month he’s seemed really off - normal stress from work, and also working on his masters - but he’s struggled with ED as well. We’re still having frequently sex - he just has to take me Medicine. He says it’s not me he can’t self pleasure either. I’ve kept asking him if everything is okay between un and he says yes - but I’ve had the feeling it isn’t. Tonight I confronted him and he admitted I’m part of it which is why he has struggled to talk to me about it. He said he still loves me but he eluded to that he feels less in love with me - although he backtracked on this later? He also mentioned this shift has been happening slowly over time. I’m gutted. I can’t tell if he’s just having a mid life crisis or should I be more concerned? He doesn’t want to talk about it much and just gets mad when I push it. He’s still sweet and loving, he still actively pursues me for sex so I feel mind boggled. Is this a him thing? Or is it more of an us thing? He can’t seem to tell me what it is or what’s changed? Granted his job and school have been very high stress and without his outlet of work travel and the gym his schedule has shifted entirely and he’s someone who thrives in routine. I just want my husband back - I want to feel secure again. He’s my best friend. I hope he gets back into his routine and we’re okay and that he’s just speaking from a place of stress and depression. I know I’ve been really stressed with work lately as well so maybe I’m not exactly helping him feel better but still that shouldn’t change his love for me.