Fetishes Are Out Of Hand - Can't Enjoy Vanilla Sex

Let me first say that I want to either learn how to enjoy vanilla sex again or outright, completely 'unlearn' a particular (legal, mutually shared) fetish. This has nothing to do with having illegal fetishes or being ashamed (although I am ashamed and embarrassed for reasons unknown to me, I know that there's nothing wrong with it, don't have a Christian upbringing, etc. I'm just a neurotic mess I guess, but that's not something I feel can be fixed).

I've also tried certain things to fix the issue, but it gets tremendously worse with each passing year, not better. First, I tried not mentioning it to my significant other of 6 years. If we're being honest, it's not so much that I tried, but that I didn't have the balls to say anything. This did nothing but ruin our sex life so that was a definite no.

I've tried not watching porn (and still haven't for quite some time) but that doesn't help. I still do this as it has a positive effect on our sex life, but it doesn't help with the issue at hand.

The main issue is my taste for lingerie. I mean, I don't think I could have fun without it or even get a boner for that matter, despite seeing my girlfriend beautiful as is. But for some reason, without some stockings, heels and something else, I'm absolutely useless in bed when it comes to trying to get hard and have sex that way (versus just fingering her) and I'm left frustrated (this happens, but I deal with it 1, to be a good partner, 2, because I'll still get it in my head that I'll get hard in a bit and 3, because I still have fun at first.

It's gotten to the point that multiple pieces of lingerie are required for me to cum. So much that, even though she supposedly likes getting dressed up, she very rarely puts on enough for me to cum (and I don't expect her to).

It's gotten so bad that I'm getting desperate. She doesn't know how bad it is--I haven't told her as I know I'd be unintentionally guilting her into doing it (why should she have to spend half an hour getting into what practically amounts to a costume if she doesn't want to, and I know she doesnt want to, not to that extent).

So before it progresses further as it typically does, has anyone learned to enjoy vanilla sex again? We already do other stuff. It's gotta stop somewhere before sex turns into work for her. That, and/or we spend hundreds on lingerie.

Submitted February 29, 2020 at 11:08PM

Let me first say that I want to either learn how to enjoy vanilla sex again or outright, completely 'unlearn' a particular (legal, mutually shared) fetish. This has nothing to do with having illegal fetishes or being ashamed (although I am ashamed and embarrassed for reasons unknown to me, I know that there's nothing wrong with it, don't have a Christian upbringing, etc. I'm just a neurotic mess I guess, but that's not something I feel can be fixed).I've also tried certain things to fix the issue, but it gets tremendously worse with each passing year, not better. First, I tried not mentioning it to my significant other of 6 years. If we're being honest, it's not so much that I tried, but that I didn't have the balls to say anything. This did nothing but ruin our sex life so that was a definite no.I've tried not watching porn (and still haven't for quite some time) but that doesn't help. I still do this as it has a positive effect on our sex life, but it doesn't help with the issue at hand.The main issue is my taste for lingerie. I mean, I don't think I could have fun without it or even get a boner for that matter, despite seeing my girlfriend beautiful as is. But for some reason, without some stockings, heels and something else, I'm absolutely useless in bed when it comes to trying to get hard and have sex that way (versus just fingering her) and I'm left frustrated (this happens, but I deal with it 1, to be a good partner, 2, because I'll still get it in my head that I'll get hard in a bit and 3, because I still have fun at first.It's gotten to the point that multiple pieces of lingerie are required for me to cum. So much that, even though she supposedly likes getting dressed up, she very rarely puts on enough for me to cum (and I don't expect her to).It's gotten so bad that I'm getting desperate. She doesn't know how bad it is--I haven't told her as I know I'd be unintentionally guilting her into doing it (why should she have to spend half an hour getting into what practically amounts to a costume if she doesn't want to, and I know she doesnt want to, not to that extent).So before it progresses further as it typically does, has anyone learned to enjoy vanilla sex again? We already do other stuff. It's gotta stop somewhere before sex turns into work for her. That, and/or we spend hundreds on lingerie.