Excuses, excuses, and more excuses

Sometimes, I find someone interesting and/ or attractive in a party, a getty, or just walking in my university campus. I really want to get to know them but instead I start to overthink and come up with a metric ton of excuses for not doing so. For example, I went to an underground club last night with a group of friends. A girl I met during the day (through a friend) accidentally stumbled upon me while dancing. We exchanged apologies and no-problems. I noticed it was kind of weird and seemed a little "on purpose." Coincidentally or not, one of my friends sees this and tells me after a second or two "that was on purpose." She's attractive and seems like a fun, charming person, so I'm a little interested in getting to know her. I'm also motivated by the fact that she possibly made that move and has been nice in our one or two interactions. I want to know who she is on the inside! But then BAM, I unintentionally start thinking:

• She's not THAT attractive.
• If she's in a gay club with gay friends then she's GOT to be avoiding straight men hitting on her.
• She's GOT to have a boyfriend so why bother.
• My sister's here too and I don't feel comfortable flirting with someone in front of family.
• I don't know if what I'm looking for is something long term or short term so why bother.
• She's had a couple of drinks so maybe she's not really like the way she's behaving tonight; What if she later thinks I was taking advantage of her?
• She's probably a little older than me and she won't like finding that out.
• The place is loud so we can't talk much.
• etc.

I swear that's approximately half of the excuses I made up for not dancing with her or sparking up a conversation.

The reason I'm posting this is because I don't know what to do about it, and I'm tired of ruining opportunities myself. This is something I do on a monthly basis. I mean, even if I end up talking to her, I've found out whatever I think flirting is, actually isn't flirting to people... My friends say "dude, you've got to touch her arm a little bit when you talk or else she won't know you're into her" but I don't feel comfortable touching someone (or being touched by someone) whom I barely know. People tell me "all you have to do is maintain a good amount of eye contact with them so the know you're interested" but eye contact is just a habit of mine that I like to use most of the time. Again, excuse, excuses, and more excuses. I'd appreciate any comments on the matter :).

Please excuse my lazy grammar. Sleepy and frustrated here lol.

Submitted December 15, 2019 at 12:15AM

Sometimes, I find someone interesting and/ or attractive in a party, a getty, or just walking in my university campus. I really want to get to know them but instead I start to overthink and come up with a metric ton of excuses for not doing so. For example, I went to an underground club last night with a group of friends. A girl I met during the day (through a friend) accidentally stumbled upon me while dancing. We exchanged apologies and no-problems. I noticed it was kind of weird and seemed a little "on purpose." Coincidentally or not, one of my friends sees this and tells me after a second or two "that was on purpose." She's attractive and seems like a fun, charming person, so I'm a little interested in getting to know her. I'm also motivated by the fact that she possibly made that move and has been nice in our one or two interactions. I want to know who she is on the inside! But then BAM, I unintentionally start thinking:She's not THAT attractive.If she's in a gay club with gay friends then she's GOT to be avoiding straight men hitting on her.She's GOT to have a boyfriend so why bother.My sister's here too and I don't feel comfortable flirting with someone in front of family.I don't know if what I'm looking for is something long term or short term so why bother.She's had a couple of drinks so maybe she's not really like the way she's behaving tonight; What if she later thinks I was taking advantage of her?She's probably a little older than me and she won't like finding that out.The place is loud so we can't talk much.etc.I swear that's approximately half of the excuses I made up for not dancing with her or sparking up a conversation.The reason I'm posting this is because I don't know what to do about it, and I'm tired of ruining opportunities myself. This is something I do on a monthly basis. I mean, even if I end up talking to her, I've found out whatever I think flirting is, actually isn't flirting to people... My friends say "dude, you've got to touch her arm a little bit when you talk or else she won't know you're into her" but I don't feel comfortable touching someone (or being touched by someone) whom I barely know. People tell me "all you have to do is maintain a good amount of eye contact with them so the know you're interested" but eye contact is just a habit of mine that I like to use most of the time. Again, excuse, excuses, and more excuses. I'd appreciate any comments on the matter :).Please excuse my lazy grammar. Sleepy and frustrated here lol.