Would prefer roommate not to foster dogs

My former roommate had a cat. I (26F) was sad when she moved out, but glad to have the cat gone. There was constantly cat hair everywhere, cat litter and cat food pebbles stuck to the bottom of your feet. In March, a new girl (25F) moved in, someone the second girl knew personally (we live in a 3 bedroom). At some point or another I assume she heard me mention how I was glad to have the cat gone, because she waited about 90 days to bring up the idea of a dog. I politely shut it down referencing the issues I'd had with the cat, its hair, having litter box and cat tower in the shared living spaces. She said she understood and things were fine after that.

A few months later she brings it up, with an outline of how she will make sure to clean up after them, have all dog stuff in her room etc. She is medicated bipolar (she now reveals) and a dog will be really beneficial for her mental health. It will not be a big dog and she will only be fostering so it won't be all the time. It seems inappropriate to ask "how do I know you'll follow through on all these promises" and now I feel like an asshole. So I say something to the effect of "I could be okay with that." She blasts out what I can only assume were prewritten emails, telling building management and the foster center that we're all set to go

The VERY FIRST WEEKEND, she brings home not one but two dogs, some type of labrador mix. They are super hyperactive, probably in part because they are in a crate for 10 hours while she is at work. Within a few hours our couch has been peed on. I don't know anything about dog breeds (or dogs in general), but I assumed "not a big dog" would be like, a terrier? These "puppies" look like they weigh upwards of 30 pounds. And they do not listen to her at all. She'd mentioned that she grew up with 3 - 5 dogs around at any given time, I thought that would make her some kind of dog whisperer. Turns out foster dogs are usually not trained.

As it so happens, I have to leave the city for 8 weeks, so I pretty much decide I don't have the energy to deal with this. But fast forward to present day, I go to the apartment and there's a huge crate in our living room plus big bags of dog food, watering bowls, etc. The couch cover is off and they're paper towels over a wet spot. My subletter (who was okay living with a dog) has notified me they will be moving out. So now I have to find another subletter, but I am afraid this dog thing will be a turn off, leaving me stuck paying over $1000 in rent. More importantly, when I get back, this situation will not work for me.

I know she cares deeply about this cause as she spends close to 10 hours a week volunteering at the shelter. But I don't see how this can work without me constantly nagging and reinforcing the "rules" we discussed. Can I ask her to put an end to fostering since I need to find a subletter? Does it risk doing further damage to our relationship if I "ask" and she says no? Both the foster center and building needed permission from all roommates before this was allowed to happen, so if she did say no, I would probably go over her head. It might be better to just politely tell her I don't think this is going to work? Am I heartless or is this an okay approach?

tl:dr How to ask roommate to cease fostering dogs?

Submitted November 23, 2019 at 12:17AM

My former roommate had a cat. I (26F) was sad when she moved out, but glad to have the cat gone. There was constantly cat hair everywhere, cat litter and cat food pebbles stuck to the bottom of your feet. In March, a new girl (25F) moved in, someone the second girl knew personally (we live in a 3 bedroom). At some point or another I assume she heard me mention how I was glad to have the cat gone, because she waited about 90 days to bring up the idea of a dog. I politely shut it down referencing the issues I'd had with the cat, its hair, having litter box and cat tower in the shared living spaces. She said she understood and things were fine after that.A few months later she brings it up, with an outline of how she will make sure to clean up after them, have all dog stuff in her room etc. She is medicated bipolar (she now reveals) and a dog will be really beneficial for her mental health. It will not be a big dog and she will only be fostering so it won't be all the time. It seems inappropriate to ask "how do I know you'll follow through on all these promises" and now I feel like an asshole. So I say something to the effect of "I could be okay with that." She blasts out what I can only assume were prewritten emails, telling building management and the foster center that we're all set to goThe VERY FIRST WEEKEND, she brings home not one but two dogs, some type of labrador mix. They are super hyperactive, probably in part because they are in a crate for 10 hours while she is at work. Within a few hours our couch has been peed on. I don't know anything about dog breeds (or dogs in general), but I assumed "not a big dog" would be like, a terrier? These "puppies" look like they weigh upwards of 30 pounds. And they do not listen to her at all. She'd mentioned that she grew up with 3 - 5 dogs around at any given time, I thought that would make her some kind of dog whisperer. Turns out foster dogs are usually not trained.As it so happens, I have to leave the city for 8 weeks, so I pretty much decide I don't have the energy to deal with this. But fast forward to present day, I go to the apartment and there's a huge crate in our living room plus big bags of dog food, watering bowls, etc. The couch cover is off and they're paper towels over a wet spot. My subletter (who was okay living with a dog) has notified me they will be moving out. So now I have to find another subletter, but I am afraid this dog thing will be a turn off, leaving me stuck paying over $1000 in rent. More importantly, when I get back, this situation will not work for me.I know she cares deeply about this cause as she spends close to 10 hours a week volunteering at the shelter. But I don't see how this can work without me constantly nagging and reinforcing the "rules" we discussed. Can I ask her to put an end to fostering since I need to find a subletter? Does it risk doing further damage to our relationship if I "ask" and she says no? Both the foster center and building needed permission from all roommates before this was allowed to happen, so if she did say no, I would probably go over her head. It might be better to just politely tell her I don't think this is going to work? Am I heartless or is this an okay approach?tl:dr How to ask roommate to cease fostering dogs?