Was dating this guy for a few weeks and everything was going great...until we had sex. How do I stop over-analysing everything and thinking there's something wrong with me?

I'd (24F) been dating this guy (29M) for about three weeks; everything was going great. We got along so well, and both agreed that it felt like it could be something special. He spoke highly of his feelings towards me, and I to him. We just clicked, and we both thought it was nice to finally find something different. The sexual tension was building as well and we were really looking forward to having our alone time. Finally, that time came around when I had the house to myself and we couldn't wait any longer. We were both so excited. And then we did it. And for some reason that I just can't figure out, it didn't feel right. It was like this amazing connection that we had built, just left. I feel so disappointed because everything was so great until then and we had clicked so well. I think back to it and I just feel so embarrassed, and wonder if he just wasn't attracted to me. Why does this happen? How can two people connect so well and have such amazing chemistry, with all the sexual tension, and then it just totally goes the other way? Did we build it up too much?

We dated for another 2-3 weeks after that, but I could tell that he just wasn't feeling it. In my gut, I felt it a bit too, but in my head I just thought to myself "it will grow with time", as I know that happens with some people. But after those few weeks went by, he ended it. I wasn't surprised but I was still disappointed. And I can't shake the embarrassing feeling that I kept on trying so hard.

How do I stop over-analysing everything I did? I know the loss of connection was perhaps a mutual thing but I keep blaming myself and wondering what changed his mind. I'd just been hurt badly before I met this guy, and I can't help but feel like I finally found someone kind and genuine, but was too focused on "how can I get this guy to like me" and "how can I get him to stick around" rather than just enjoying it, and in doing so, I wasn't being myself. I know not everyone will like you, but fuck, this hurts more than I expected. I suppose I take comfort in the fact that if you're with the right person, it will be easy and natural, and you won't have to try so hard. Sorry for rambling and I hope this makes some kind of sense.



Submitted November 07, 2019 at 11:56PM

I'd (24F) been dating this guy (29M) for about three weeks; everything was going great. We got along so well, and both agreed that it felt like it could be something special. He spoke highly of his feelings towards me, and I to him. We just clicked, and we both thought it was nice to finally find something different. The sexual tension was building as well and we were really looking forward to having our alone time. Finally, that time came around when I had the house to myself and we couldn't wait any longer. We were both so excited. And then we did it. And for some reason that I just can't figure out, it didn't feel right. It was like this amazing connection that we had built, just left. I feel so disappointed because everything was so great until then and we had clicked so well. I think back to it and I just feel so embarrassed, and wonder if he just wasn't attracted to me. Why does this happen? How can two people connect so well and have such amazing chemistry, with all the sexual tension, and then it just totally goes the other way? Did we build it up too much?We dated for another 2-3 weeks after that, but I could tell that he just wasn't feeling it. In my gut, I felt it a bit too, but in my head I just thought to myself "it will grow with time", as I know that happens with some people. But after those few weeks went by, he ended it. I wasn't surprised but I was still disappointed. And I can't shake the embarrassing feeling that I kept on trying so hard.How do I stop over-analysing everything I did? I know the loss of connection was perhaps a mutual thing but I keep blaming myself and wondering what changed his mind. I'd just been hurt badly before I met this guy, and I can't help but feel like I finally found someone kind and genuine, but was too focused on "how can I get this guy to like me" and "how can I get him to stick around" rather than just enjoying it, and in doing so, I wasn't being myself. I know not everyone will like you, but fuck, this hurts more than I expected. I suppose I take comfort in the fact that if you're with the right person, it will be easy and natural, and you won't have to try so hard. Sorry for rambling and I hope this makes some kind of sense.
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