Is it me or the guys I date? (21F)

So I was dating an amazing guy recently. For a solid 3 months everything was great other than the fact that our ‘dates’ slowly turned into ‘Netflix and chill’. It was boring but he had stuff going on so I brushed it off.

He became flakey. I confronted him as politely as possible. He said he’d lost the spark for me.

I’m so incredibly gutted. I really liked him. But...

... I’ve now, just realised a huge fat pattern in my dating life. Men seem to get bored of me once we hit this phase of lying in bed watching movies.

For some background context, these guys are always sporty. A PT. A sports coach. A swim teacher. Pro Skateboarder. Or just considerably active people. I am pretty extroverted, I love the idea of doing fun new things. I’m very social and I consider myself pretty out there when looking for things to do. I have a great circle of friends. I never even take friends to the same cafe twice. I have more ‘hobbies’ and aspirations in the making than I know what to do with. But these men seem to say they’re fun’ (ie. say they ‘love hiking’.) But never do anything more than want to go on dinner dates and Netflix and chill.

I’m just so confused. I take things slow. I know not to make myself ‘easy’. I set boundaries. I let people know I’m serious about dating.

I try to motivate other ideas but maybe I let them off too easy when my fun date ideas are dismissed? And then before I know it they’re ‘bored’ of me or have ‘lost the spark’.

My recent ex of a year said he lost the spark but after 5 months he was quite possibly the most lazy person I have ever been around (yet he was a PT hah). In fact fun ideas annoyed him. Maybe that one is on him?

A guy I dated for 3 months was an equally eccentric, fun person. But things slowly once again turned into ‘bed and chill’. He, like the others, got tired of dates and said he didn’t want to go do the fun things I suggested. And before I knew it ‘sorry I’ve lost the spark’.

Heck I could write the entire list and they all had the same pattern and outcome.

Am I truly boring these men or are they just boring themselves? How the fuck do I avoid this? I mean I could simply refuse to stay at a guy’s house for more than 10 hours. But obviously things can’t stay like that forever. Like how the heck do they expect things to be fun or interesting when all we do is lay in bed?

My heart hearts, literally from the sadness and stress over this. I just don’t know what to do anymore.

Submitted October 02, 2019 at 11:42PM

So I was dating an amazing guy recently. For a solid 3 months everything was great other than the fact that our ‘dates’ slowly turned into ‘Netflix and chill’. It was boring but he had stuff going on so I brushed it off.He became flakey. I confronted him as politely as possible. He said he’d lost the spark for me.I’m so incredibly gutted. I really liked him. But...... I’ve now, just realised a huge fat pattern in my dating life. Men seem to get bored of me once we hit this phase of lying in bed watching movies.For some background context, these guys are always sporty. A PT. A sports coach. A swim teacher. Pro Skateboarder. Or just considerably active people. I am pretty extroverted, I love the idea of doing fun new things. I’m very social and I consider myself pretty out there when looking for things to do. I have a great circle of friends. I never even take friends to the same cafe twice. I have more ‘hobbies’ and aspirations in the making than I know what to do with. But these men seem to say they’re fun’ (ie. say they ‘love hiking’.) But never do anything more than want to go on dinner dates and Netflix and chill.I’m just so confused. I take things slow. I know not to make myself ‘easy’. I set boundaries. I let people know I’m serious about dating.I try to motivate other ideas but maybe I let them off too easy when my fun date ideas are dismissed? And then before I know it they’re ‘bored’ of me or have ‘lost the spark’.My recent ex of a year said he lost the spark but after 5 months he was quite possibly the most lazy person I have ever been around (yet he was a PT hah). In fact fun ideas annoyed him. Maybe that one is on him?A guy I dated for 3 months was an equally eccentric, fun person. But things slowly once again turned into ‘bed and chill’. He, like the others, got tired of dates and said he didn’t want to go do the fun things I suggested. And before I knew it ‘sorry I’ve lost the spark’.Heck I could write the entire list and they all had the same pattern and outcome.Am I truly boring these men or are they just boring themselves? How the fuck do I avoid this? I mean I could simply refuse to stay at a guy’s house for more than 10 hours. But obviously things can’t stay like that forever. Like how the heck do they expect things to be fun or interesting when all we do is lay in bed?My heart hearts, literally from the sadness and stress over this. I just don’t know what to do anymore.