Weird situation

Woman here, in my early thirties.

I met this woman, we will call her Sue, in my mid 20s. She was about 30 years older than me, retired, and served as a mentor to me. We became very close over the years, and she was almost like a mother to me. While I was very close to her, I wasn’t very close to either her son (12 years younger than me) or her husband Joe, who at the time wasn’t retired and had his own hobbies.

6 years ago she became sick with cancer. She was still as active as ever, and we still went to lunch or coffee regularly, and hiked together, as long as she was feeling up to it. She always expressed concern for her son and husband, and how they would cope with her unavoidable untimely death. She always joked that she would want me to end up with her husband.

Well, she passed in fall of 2018. It was pretty devastating. Even though she had been sick for a long time, she spiraled very quickly and unexpectedly. I’ve tried to be there for her son and look out for him (he is a student at the college where I occasionally teach), I’ve always made myself available to him should he need anything. I’ve also kept in touch with Joe, and a few times we have gotten lunch.

I always took Sue’s comments about me ending up with her husband as a private joke, but now two mutual friends have asked if I am going to date him. I thought this was very inappropriate, as this man is in mourning after caring for a sick wife for the last 6 years. Their comments made me realize it wasn’t an inside private joke.

Last week, I got lunch with Joe, and afterward he sent me a text telling me how much he enjoys my company and that he finds me attractive and I make him nervous and he hopes we can get together again soon. The manner in which he texted me was very subtle and humble and not aggressive or creepy.

Joe is easily 25 years older than me (he was younger than Sue). He’s since retired, and next month he will be moving out of state. He’s attractive, and in excellent shape. He’s a good man, kind, mild mannered, and is living well off both his and Sue’s pensions.

Would it be socially unacceptable to pursue a romantic relationship with him? The age difference is a little strange (no, I don’t have any weird “daddy” issues or fetishes) but we have had great conversation together and enjoy each other’s company. Part of this feels weird to date my late friend’s husband, but part of me also knows she’s told multiple people she wanted us to end up together before she died. If he and I had met independently of my relationship with her, I don’t think it would be as weird/strange.

As I said, he is moving out of state soon, so even if we pursued something, I don’t see it getting very serious.

Submitted July 13, 2019 at 11:49PM

Woman here, in my early thirties.I met this woman, we will call her Sue, in my mid 20s. She was about 30 years older than me, retired, and served as a mentor to me. We became very close over the years, and she was almost like a mother to me. While I was very close to her, I wasn’t very close to either her son (12 years younger than me) or her husband Joe, who at the time wasn’t retired and had his own hobbies.6 years ago she became sick with cancer. She was still as active as ever, and we still went to lunch or coffee regularly, and hiked together, as long as she was feeling up to it. She always expressed concern for her son and husband, and how they would cope with her unavoidable untimely death. She always joked that she would want me to end up with her husband.Well, she passed in fall of 2018. It was pretty devastating. Even though she had been sick for a long time, she spiraled very quickly and unexpectedly. I’ve tried to be there for her son and look out for him (he is a student at the college where I occasionally teach), I’ve always made myself available to him should he need anything. I’ve also kept in touch with Joe, and a few times we have gotten lunch.I always took Sue’s comments about me ending up with her husband as a private joke, but now two mutual friends have asked if I am going to date him. I thought this was very inappropriate, as this man is in mourning after caring for a sick wife for the last 6 years. Their comments made me realize it wasn’t an inside private joke.Last week, I got lunch with Joe, and afterward he sent me a text telling me how much he enjoys my company and that he finds me attractive and I make him nervous and he hopes we can get together again soon. The manner in which he texted me was very subtle and humble and not aggressive or creepy.Joe is easily 25 years older than me (he was younger than Sue). He’s since retired, and next month he will be moving out of state. He’s attractive, and in excellent shape. He’s a good man, kind, mild mannered, and is living well off both his and Sue’s pensions.Would it be socially unacceptable to pursue a romantic relationship with him? The age difference is a little strange (no, I don’t have any weird “daddy” issues or fetishes) but we have had great conversation together and enjoy each other’s company. Part of this feels weird to date my late friend’s husband, but part of me also knows she’s told multiple people she wanted us to end up together before she died. If he and I had met independently of my relationship with her, I don’t think it would be as weird/strange.As I said, he is moving out of state soon, so even if we pursued something, I don’t see it getting very serious.