My Girlfriend [22F] is Obsessed with her new "Guy Friend" [20M] and has Asked me about Boundaries. I [25M] am concerned.

My girlfriend of two years met a guy a couple of months ago and they became friends from there on. The guy was a bit sketchy as he gave off an attitude of a "nice guy" but it seemed okay because I figured she can handle herself.

But things started getting really messed up afterwards. They started hanging out more and more often. The guy would come over (we lived together), and he would do stuff like cook for her and do her chores and shit. Every time he came, I just made some bullshit excuse for not joining them and made it clear that I was not interesting in having him around. She started asking me questions about boundaries. Questions like "is it okay if I cuddle with a friend". Obviously, I was not okay with that.

Things became heated when I found out she was randomly staring at pictures of him on social media. She would get into these phases where she would stare at his picture for minutes on end. Her explanation was that she just wanted to hang out with him and somehow looking at pictures of him will ease that need. We had an argument over this and she agreed to not let him do any of these "nice guy" things for her and limit her time with him.

Fast forward a couple of months, I am now out of state as I landed a great career opportunity at an investment firm. I'm super busy but I try to make the time to call her often and I've also planned a trip later next month. I just found out she's been seeing the guy friend more and more often now. They would go to bars together, hike together, and do stuff that normal couples would do. I think she spent a night at his family's place with him. She lives like half an hour away from him so I don't see why she would spend the night.

I'll admit we haven't had as much fun together these past few months, and we are now LDR too. I've been really busy focusing on my career and finishing up my MBA so there was just no time for me to plan stuff like going out or trips. That guy, on the other hand, has all the time in his life to try to woo her. He just dropped out of college after one semester and is living with his family this summer.

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tl;dr: Girlfriend met a guy couple of months ago. They're now hanging out all the time and doing things couples normally do (that we couldn't do for a bit because I was so busy). She has also asked me about boundaries. I am concerned about this.



Submitted July 13, 2019 at 10:08PM

My girlfriend of two years met a guy a couple of months ago and they became friends from there on. The guy was a bit sketchy as he gave off an attitude of a "nice guy" but it seemed okay because I figured she can handle herself.But things started getting really messed up afterwards. They started hanging out more and more often. The guy would come over (we lived together), and he would do stuff like cook for her and do her chores and shit. Every time he came, I just made some bullshit excuse for not joining them and made it clear that I was not interesting in having him around. She started asking me questions about boundaries. Questions like "is it okay if I cuddle with a friend". Obviously, I was not okay with that.Things became heated when I found out she was randomly staring at pictures of him on social media. She would get into these phases where she would stare at his picture for minutes on end. Her explanation was that she just wanted to hang out with him and somehow looking at pictures of him will ease that need. We had an argument over this and she agreed to not let him do any of these "nice guy" things for her and limit her time with him.Fast forward a couple of months, I am now out of state as I landed a great career opportunity at an investment firm. I'm super busy but I try to make the time to call her often and I've also planned a trip later next month. I just found out she's been seeing the guy friend more and more often now. They would go to bars together, hike together, and do stuff that normal couples would do. I think she spent a night at his family's place with him. She lives like half an hour away from him so I don't see why she would spend the night.I'll admit we haven't had as much fun together these past few months, and we are now LDR too. I've been really busy focusing on my career and finishing up my MBA so there was just no time for me to plan stuff like going out or trips. That guy, on the other hand, has all the time in his life to try to woo her. He just dropped out of college after one semester and is living with his family this summer.​tl;dr: Girlfriend met a guy couple of months ago. They're now hanging out all the time and doing things couples normally do (that we couldn't do for a bit because I was so busy). She has also asked me about boundaries. I am concerned about this.
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