Should porn use be up for discussion in a relationship, or is it just their business?

This is a throwaway.

My SO has told me in the past that he has a low sex drive, and that is the reason we don't have sex as often as I would like to. I'll start by acknowledging that I shouldn't have done this, but I looked at his browsing history on his computer. He looks at porn Very frequently. Videos, Instagram photos, and Reddit. And he looks at specific porn stars. I'm sure he masturbates when he looks at this.

I find that my feelings are hurt that he looks at other women and gets off, and tells me he's just not in the mood. Of course the women in porn and these half naked/naked Instagram models are waaay more attractive than I am so that affects my confidence. I've never viewed porn as something bad or wrong, but I'm wondering if this could be affecting our relationship.

Is it right or even fair to bring this up? First admitting my invasion of his expected privacy, and second asking if he truly has a low sex drive or why he prefers to masturbate to these women rather than initiate sex with me. It's his right to look at porn, and normally I wouldn't even bring it up, but what are your thoughts on this? Has anyone experienced anything similar? Could he just be tired of sex with me? Or should his use of porn just remain his business and I should respect that it's his private time and not something I should question?

Any suggestions or advice appreciated.



Submitted June 05, 2019 at 11:23PM

This is a throwaway.My SO has told me in the past that he has a low sex drive, and that is the reason we don't have sex as often as I would like to. I'll start by acknowledging that I shouldn't have done this, but I looked at his browsing history on his computer. He looks at porn Very frequently. Videos, Instagram photos, and Reddit. And he looks at specific porn stars. I'm sure he masturbates when he looks at this.I find that my feelings are hurt that he looks at other women and gets off, and tells me he's just not in the mood. Of course the women in porn and these half naked/naked Instagram models are waaay more attractive than I am so that affects my confidence. I've never viewed porn as something bad or wrong, but I'm wondering if this could be affecting our relationship.Is it right or even fair to bring this up? First admitting my invasion of his expected privacy, and second asking if he truly has a low sex drive or why he prefers to masturbate to these women rather than initiate sex with me. It's his right to look at porn, and normally I wouldn't even bring it up, but what are your thoughts on this? Has anyone experienced anything similar? Could he just be tired of sex with me? Or should his use of porn just remain his business and I should respect that it's his private time and not something I should question?Any suggestions or advice appreciated.
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