Dating a girl (39F) for 2-3 months, found out she's seeing someone else. Am I overreacting?

I (39M) have been dating a girl (39F) for about 2-3 months. We're both divorced with a few kids, and have been spending 1-2 nights a week at each other's houses (when the kids aren't there), hanging out at bars, having fun, and chilling. We also go unprotected. We text daily, have long phone calls, and share the mundane details of our lives, including ex-related dramas. We've been having deep emotional conversations too, discussing what we've learned from our breakups/therapy. Both of us are busy professionals.

Recently, she told me that we never had the "relationship chat" and she's been dating another guy, doing the same things with him as with me. She didn't think it was relevant because we weren't officially in a relationship. I calmly said I'm out because I don't want to invest so much time on someone for just sex. She didn't respond well, accusing me of gaslighting and being insecure. She might have hoped to make me jealous or to commit.

Am I being a jerk here? Is this normal behavior nowadays? It doesn't sit well with me, even if it didn't technically break a "monogamous relationship pact".

TL;DR: Been dating a girl for 2-3 months. Found out she's seeing someone else, and I ended things. She accused me of gaslighting and being insecure. Am I overreacting or is this normal behavior?



Submitted April 27, 2023 at 11:57PM

I (39M) have been dating a girl (39F) for about 2-3 months. We're both divorced with a few kids, and have been spending 1-2 nights a week at each other's houses (when the kids aren't there), hanging out at bars, having fun, and chilling. We also go unprotected. We text daily, have long phone calls, and share the mundane details of our lives, including ex-related dramas. We've been having deep emotional conversations too, discussing what we've learned from our breakups/therapy. Both of us are busy professionals.Recently, she told me that we never had the "relationship chat" and she's been dating another guy, doing the same things with him as with me. She didn't think it was relevant because we weren't officially in a relationship. I calmly said I'm out because I don't want to invest so much time on someone for just sex. She didn't respond well, accusing me of gaslighting and being insecure. She might have hoped to make me jealous or to commit.Am I being a jerk here? Is this normal behavior nowadays? It doesn't sit well with me, even if it didn't technically break a "monogamous relationship pact".TL;DR: Been dating a girl for 2-3 months. Found out she's seeing someone else, and I ended things. She accused me of gaslighting and being insecure. Am I overreacting or is this normal behavior?
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