Am I being selfish?

My (21f) ex (28m) and I recently broke up over some trust issues which we talked over, but we are still currently broken up. This is our second time we split in an 8 month relationship. He wants to get married and wants a family,as he feels hes running out of time. I dont want to get married yet, but also i dont want to get married to him partly because of cultural differences and I dont want to have bio kids or maybe even have kids at all. And in his opinion I check off alot of his wife boxes and if I wanted the same future he wanted he would ask me in a heartbeat. We are both still extremely attached to each other and still extremely care for eachother. And cant seem to let go. Is it selfish of me to keep him around until im ready to let go? Is it stupid to get back together knowing what we know? I know its harmful to keep going in circles but our hearts are taking over our minds.

He does keep saying that if we get back together I have to expect that he will leave me if he finds a girl that will want the same future as him. Which my argument to that is these girls wont come up to you when you have a gf, you will go up to them and in my opinion that's cheating. Then he goes silent no reply.

Thoughts on the whole situation and please some advice?



Submitted April 29, 2023 at 12:11AM

My (21f) ex (28m) and I recently broke up over some trust issues which we talked over, but we are still currently broken up. This is our second time we split in an 8 month relationship. He wants to get married and wants a family,as he feels hes running out of time. I dont want to get married yet, but also i dont want to get married to him partly because of cultural differences and I dont want to have bio kids or maybe even have kids at all. And in his opinion I check off alot of his wife boxes and if I wanted the same future he wanted he would ask me in a heartbeat. We are both still extremely attached to each other and still extremely care for eachother. And cant seem to let go. Is it selfish of me to keep him around until im ready to let go? Is it stupid to get back together knowing what we know? I know its harmful to keep going in circles but our hearts are taking over our minds. He does keep saying that if we get back together I have to expect that he will leave me if he finds a girl that will want the same future as him. Which my argument to that is these girls wont come up to you when you have a gf, you will go up to them and in my opinion that's cheating. Then he goes silent no reply.Thoughts on the whole situation and please some advice?
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Add Comments, Posts, Links... etc.

Popular posts from this blog

The difference between being right and being understood

My boyfriend and I are 28. We’ve been together for about 1.5 years and recently moved in together. He’s a pretty patient and easygoing person (Type B) whereas I’m more particular (Type A). Of course there are two sides to every trait, and my Type A nature benefits us in some ways too. Like all couples, we have differences in perspective or preference. When this happens, he will usually say something like “I disagree (with your perspective) but fine.” I tend to push the issue in an attempt to get him to understand where I’m coming from. This escalates the disagreement into a fight because he perceives it as me trying to be “right”. I truly just want to be understood (and I want to understand where he’s coming from) so I’m looking for more of a dialogue whereas he avoids conflict and just wants it to be over as quickly as possible. His general approach is “agree to disagree” but that doesn’t make sense to me when it’s an issue that will keep coming up and requires compromise. I’m n
Read more

My (27f) gf (27f) is getting tired of me not sharing intimate/ personal info about me

I’ve always been extremely private and introverted. We have more than a year together and we’ve been living together for like 6 months, we get along pretty good and I’m really in love with her, however I can not seem to open up... and I can tell it’s frustrating to her by the way she tells me it bothers her that she feels she’s the only one committed and the one that’s always sharing... At this point I don’t even know if it is that I’ve gotten too used to it, to the point I’ve became lazy to talk about myself or give any genuine personal opinion... it sucks, really, I need to communicate better... Where do I start? Tl;dr: I can’t be completely intimate with my gf and its frustrating her, I need to communicate better because I really love her... where to start? Submitted April 25, 2019 at 06:02AM I’ve always been extremely private and introverted. We have more than a year together and we’ve been living together for like 6 months, we get along pretty good and I’m really in love
Read more

My (23M) girlfriend (25F) relationship is confusing to me. I might be the problem, or maybe we are just incompatible.

I met my girlfriend after a few serious breakups that led me to change both intentionally and unintentionally over a few years. For better and for worse. She had just gotten out of an engagement with a verbally and physically abusive man who had a cocaine problem. We have been together about 8 months now. We hit it off and spent a lot of time together but she began to push our relationship as if there were a time clock for milestones. I was pressed beyond my comfort zone and went with it because of my affection for her. My living situation fell apart and I lost a few thousand dollars to shit roommates right around the time she and I met and she offered to let me stay with her. I agreed with some resistance. I pay for food, help her with bills, and throw money toward rent while trying to get back on my feet. As long as we have been together she has gotten more possessive, angry, and irrational. She is dealing with shit from her engagement and I feel shes looking for a level of seriou
Read more