Where did it all go wrong, why do I feel like I've been played

I (23m) and the girl I was talking to with (19f) ended things early before we even got the chance to really start. So I am a junior and college and so is she. I am normally a quiet guy just doing my thing until I was approached by a girl who was interested in my almost towards the end of the semester (that time was early- mid December). I was scared to do it all over again because my previous relationship ended on October and I was with that person for 1yr and 6 months. (She too got out of a relationship that same month but it ended pretty bad)

I wasn't planning on getting into another relationship but something about her was different. It felt like we've know each other for a long time and we just clicked. She pretty much made the first moves like asking for my number and 2 weeks later kissing me. I know it was all so fast but at the time it just didn't seem like it. We video called every night and we even played games together. (which is something I've never done with a girl I've talked to)

We've went out on dates and just talked about how we want to do certain things in the near future or even places for dates. We also made out a decent amount because we were so attracted to each other. Eventually things changed when towards the end of January where my Ex's grandmother messaged me just out of the blue, checking in on me. I was surprised because I haven't talked to her since things ended with my last relationship.

I really did consider her as my grandma but I didn't want to ignore her so I replied to her and then she asked me who I was talking to where I immediately said "my grandma" out of instinct. She then asked me questions and I couldn't think of a way to correct her but around 10 later I did and i thought things were good afterwards because she said she was and that I of course won't interact with my ex's grandma.

She then tells me later on she needs some space and time to herself with her thoughts, I of course understood. And a few days after we video call and the conversation leads to her telling me that she likes me and being with me but that she doesn't think she's ready for a relationship and the stress that comes with it.

Of course she has every right to say how she feels but I'm just like why pursue me, why kiss me etc?? I asked her if it was because of the my ex's grandma and she said now exactly but that she was already having these thoughts but that this just helped with it. She tells me she wants to avoid any stress and prevent it if she can and that at first she did wanted to be in a relationship with me but now is not sure. I just agree and ask if we will still talk and she says we can be friends but she needs time to wipe away the attraction and feelings we caught for one another.

I just feel dumb for not knowing she was having doubts already. We both opened up to each other and were vulnerable towards each other and I don't know where did it go wrong, i feel like the rug was pulled out from under me. I'm kind of nervous to try again in the near future so Im just gonna focus on working on myself but I'm just confused, what went wrong.

Submitted February 06, 2023 at 01:10AM

I (23m) and the girl I was talking to with (19f) ended things early before we even got the chance to really start. So I am a junior and college and so is she. I am normally a quiet guy just doing my thing until I was approached by a girl who was interested in my almost towards the end of the semester (that time was early- mid December). I was scared to do it all over again because my previous relationship ended on October and I was with that person for 1yr and 6 months. (She too got out of a relationship that same month but it ended pretty bad)I wasn't planning on getting into another relationship but something about her was different. It felt like we've know each other for a long time and we just clicked. She pretty much made the first moves like asking for my number and 2 weeks later kissing me. I know it was all so fast but at the time it just didn't seem like it. We video called every night and we even played games together. (which is something I've never done with a girl I've talked to)We've went out on dates and just talked about how we want to do certain things in the near future or even places for dates. We also made out a decent amount because we were so attracted to each other. Eventually things changed when towards the end of January where my Ex's grandmother messaged me just out of the blue, checking in on me. I was surprised because I haven't talked to her since things ended with my last relationship.I really did consider her as my grandma but I didn't want to ignore her so I replied to her and then she asked me who I was talking to where I immediately said "my grandma" out of instinct. She then asked me questions and I couldn't think of a way to correct her but around 10 later I did and i thought things were good afterwards because she said she was and that I of course won't interact with my ex's grandma.She then tells me later on she needs some space and time to herself with her thoughts, I of course understood. And a few days after we video call and the conversation leads to her telling me that she likes me and being with me but that she doesn't think she's ready for a relationship and the stress that comes with it.Of course she has every right to say how she feels but I'm just like why pursue me, why kiss me etc?? I asked her if it was because of the my ex's grandma and she said now exactly but that she was already having these thoughts but that this just helped with it. She tells me she wants to avoid any stress and prevent it if she can and that at first she did wanted to be in a relationship with me but now is not sure. I just agree and ask if we will still talk and she says we can be friends but she needs time to wipe away the attraction and feelings we caught for one another.I just feel dumb for not knowing she was having doubts already. We both opened up to each other and were vulnerable towards each other and I don't know where did it go wrong, i feel like the rug was pulled out from under me. I'm kind of nervous to try again in the near future so Im just gonna focus on working on myself but I'm just confused, what went wrong.