Hard to read situation combined with probable overthinking

I'm (40m) have been dating a woman (34) for the last 2 months-ish. Up until the past weekend things have been fairly casual but we get on amazingly well and I really like her. Last Saturday she came over to my place with her dog, I made dinner, she made dessert we watched and movie and we slept together. She gave every indication that she had a great time and we were very intimate with each other right up until the time she left early Sunday morning.
Now this week has been unusually quiet on the messaging front (hasn't message first, doesn't really try to keep the conversation going) and she also said she was too busy to meet up this week. Now, a similar situation happened about a month ago when we first kissed - She went quiet, turned down a date without a reschedule proposal - and I thought she had lost interest which obviously was not the case that time.
I will say that she hasn't been the best texter that I have dated and I'm accustomed to much more communication and flirting (something else she never does) early in a relationship so it has been an adjustment however this feels different as she would normally send me funny videos or memes daily except not this week..
I tend to be an anxious chronic overthinker and even more so when I really like the person (as in this case) so I'd like some cooler heads to weigh in on this. There are couple of things to note -

1) She has ADHD which she manages with medication. I only really mention this as she does talk about her struggles with it often so for me it does indicate something that may be a driving factor. I have been researching ADHD and how it can effect relationships so I know what to expect and how I can better understand how to navigate it and it does correlate with her behaviour at this time. Especially when you consider -

2)She started a new job this week so she is likely overwhelmed/hyper fixating (new jobs are always daunting) and I'm sure time outside this is used for processing rather than dating/socialising

3) I only just found out that her last serious partner cheated on her and she only just found out that it was more than with one other person so there is potentially trust issues here

I'm old and definitely not new to dating but this whole thing has me second guessing everything - Is she into me, is she not into me - I feel like a teenager again :D

I understand that there could be a myriad of other reasons that she has gone quiet - She may be seeing other people (we aren't exclusive at this point), she might not want to a relationship at this time or she may have just lost interest after sex (it happens) but do you all think this is a case of giving her space (which I'm doing now and haven't really contacted her) to do what she needs to do and waiting for her to come to me (basically what I did the first I thought she lost interest) or should I approach the matter and if so how would you do this cautiously given the other things going in her world.

Any advise would be welcome



Submitted February 02, 2023 at 12:15AM

I'm (40m) have been dating a woman (34) for the last 2 months-ish. Up until the past weekend things have been fairly casual but we get on amazingly well and I really like her. Last Saturday she came over to my place with her dog, I made dinner, she made dessert we watched and movie and we slept together. She gave every indication that she had a great time and we were very intimate with each other right up until the time she left early Sunday morning.Now this week has been unusually quiet on the messaging front (hasn't message first, doesn't really try to keep the conversation going) and she also said she was too busy to meet up this week. Now, a similar situation happened about a month ago when we first kissed - She went quiet, turned down a date without a reschedule proposal - and I thought she had lost interest which obviously was not the case that time.I will say that she hasn't been the best texter that I have dated and I'm accustomed to much more communication and flirting (something else she never does) early in a relationship so it has been an adjustment however this feels different as she would normally send me funny videos or memes daily except not this week..I tend to be an anxious chronic overthinker and even more so when I really like the person (as in this case) so I'd like some cooler heads to weigh in on this. There are couple of things to note -1) She has ADHD which she manages with medication. I only really mention this as she does talk about her struggles with it often so for me it does indicate something that may be a driving factor. I have been researching ADHD and how it can effect relationships so I know what to expect and how I can better understand how to navigate it and it does correlate with her behaviour at this time. Especially when you consider -2)She started a new job this week so she is likely overwhelmed/hyper fixating (new jobs are always daunting) and I'm sure time outside this is used for processing rather than dating/socialising3) I only just found out that her last serious partner cheated on her and she only just found out that it was more than with one other person so there is potentially trust issues hereI'm old and definitely not new to dating but this whole thing has me second guessing everything - Is she into me, is she not into me - I feel like a teenager again :DI understand that there could be a myriad of other reasons that she has gone quiet - She may be seeing other people (we aren't exclusive at this point), she might not want to a relationship at this time or she may have just lost interest after sex (it happens) but do you all think this is a case of giving her space (which I'm doing now and haven't really contacted her) to do what she needs to do and waiting for her to come to me (basically what I did the first I thought she lost interest) or should I approach the matter and if so how would you do this cautiously given the other things going in her world.Any advise would be welcome
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