Am I losing my best friend?

This is relationship related, I promise.

Long story short, my best friend (19m) and I (19f) have been on and off dating/being intimate for about a year now through various circumstances and have known each other for 2. He's one of those people I really felt like that cared about me (and I care so much about him too), and we were extremely close friends. About half a year ago, he moved to a different state for school and so have I. At the time, he basically decided that any romantic relationship, long distance, is not possible due to the lack of physical intimacy he needed and that if we want to stay friends, we'd have to move on from each other. I listened and agreed, and tried moving on as fast as possible, through healthy methods such as confronting my feelings and hanging out with friends and meeting new people. A few months after that, I basically met a guy, and my best friend has been looking around for a S.O. too. At first, I was definitely uncomfortable, but I really think I moved on after a while.

About 3 months ago, I ended things with the guy I met because it just wasn't working out (we weren't very physically compatible, and he wasn't into the same things as I was). The said best friend and I had an opportunity to hang out again, and he confessed that he still had feelings for me. Since we were both single at the time, we hooked up and things got started from there again. We started talking for hours and hours like we used to, and I became really close and attached to him.

At some point, he asked to be in an open relationship for the next few years until we can be physically together, but I said no because I wasn't comfortable with that, and I am unfortunately a jealous person in general. So I suggested we just don't put a label on it and see what happens. If he meets somebody else, so be it, and if I do, that's also fine. Truth to be told, I am so in love with him. He says he is too. I know that he needs the physical intimacy in a relationship so I am willing to wait however many years it'll take for us to have a chance at a relationship, and meanwhile, we can both do whatever we want. What I am telling myself, at least, is that I would be less hurt if we didn't label it as a relationship if anything happened.

The problem starts where we're starting to talk less and less in the past few weeks. I can't help but feel like we're drifting apart and when we haven't had a long conversation in a few days, I find myself getting depressed and unable to focus on anything else I've been doing, like work and school. Obviously, I have feelings for him, and I just feel like he doesn't care as much about the "relationship" as I do. He'd leave me on delivered for a good half day or so because he's busy and has stopped texting me goodnight here and there. Or maybe he does care and this is just "guy" behaviors. Just the small stuff, but I still notice it. At the end of the day, I feel like I am going through a breakup, even though there is nothing to breakup. I am silently crying every other hour, and sleeping is becoming really hard.

A part of me, wants to just cut him off for good. Stop talking to him entirely, so I can stop waiting for a text and stop worrying about him. I just want to stop hurting.

But just the thought of that hurts so bad, because he means so much to me. Even saving my life when I was going through tough times, and vice versa.

I don't know what my options are. Do I really see a future with him? To be honest, I don't really know. He's definitely more opinionated than I am, and occasionally I feel kind of left out of major decisions. Overall, I also have this fear of him leaving me, even though he has clearly expressed his devotion and interest. Am I letting my insecurity ruin this relationship? It doesn't seem like he's suffering at all. I'm just not getting enough...

Do I have a chance at saving this?

I am wasting a lot of time over this. Not to mention tears too.

Submitted February 21, 2023 at 01:14AM

This is relationship related, I promise.Long story short, my best friend (19m) and I (19f) have been on and off dating/being intimate for about a year now through various circumstances and have known each other for 2. He's one of those people I really felt like that cared about me (and I care so much about him too), and we were extremely close friends. About half a year ago, he moved to a different state for school and so have I. At the time, he basically decided that any romantic relationship, long distance, is not possible due to the lack of physical intimacy he needed and that if we want to stay friends, we'd have to move on from each other. I listened and agreed, and tried moving on as fast as possible, through healthy methods such as confronting my feelings and hanging out with friends and meeting new people. A few months after that, I basically met a guy, and my best friend has been looking around for a S.O. too. At first, I was definitely uncomfortable, but I really think I moved on after a while.About 3 months ago, I ended things with the guy I met because it just wasn't working out (we weren't very physically compatible, and he wasn't into the same things as I was). The said best friend and I had an opportunity to hang out again, and he confessed that he still had feelings for me. Since we were both single at the time, we hooked up and things got started from there again. We started talking for hours and hours like we used to, and I became really close and attached to him.At some point, he asked to be in an open relationship for the next few years until we can be physically together, but I said no because I wasn't comfortable with that, and I am unfortunately a jealous person in general. So I suggested we just don't put a label on it and see what happens. If he meets somebody else, so be it, and if I do, that's also fine. Truth to be told, I am so in love with him. He says he is too. I know that he needs the physical intimacy in a relationship so I am willing to wait however many years it'll take for us to have a chance at a relationship, and meanwhile, we can both do whatever we want. What I am telling myself, at least, is that I would be less hurt if we didn't label it as a relationship if anything happened.The problem starts where we're starting to talk less and less in the past few weeks. I can't help but feel like we're drifting apart and when we haven't had a long conversation in a few days, I find myself getting depressed and unable to focus on anything else I've been doing, like work and school. Obviously, I have feelings for him, and I just feel like he doesn't care as much about the "relationship" as I do. He'd leave me on delivered for a good half day or so because he's busy and has stopped texting me goodnight here and there. Or maybe he does care and this is just "guy" behaviors. Just the small stuff, but I still notice it. At the end of the day, I feel like I am going through a breakup, even though there is nothing to breakup. I am silently crying every other hour, and sleeping is becoming really hard.A part of me, wants to just cut him off for good. Stop talking to him entirely, so I can stop waiting for a text and stop worrying about him. I just want to stop hurting.But just the thought of that hurts so bad, because he means so much to me. Even saving my life when I was going through tough times, and vice versa.I don't know what my options are. Do I really see a future with him? To be honest, I don't really know. He's definitely more opinionated than I am, and occasionally I feel kind of left out of major decisions. Overall, I also have this fear of him leaving me, even though he has clearly expressed his devotion and interest. Am I letting my insecurity ruin this relationship? It doesn't seem like he's suffering at all. I'm just not getting enough...Do I have a chance at saving this?I am wasting a lot of time over this. Not to mention tears too.