I [28F] feel forced by continually flaky people on apps into dating multiple people at the same time, but it goes against my values. What do I do?

I was trying to only talk to one person at a time on the apps. However, I would get ghosted and it just didn't seem to be the "smart" thing to do.

So I decided to just start talking to more guys. Over the past month, I've started significant conversations with 6 people and 3 ghosted me. Out of the remaining 3, I had a date with one of them and the other two have scheduled with me.

I like this guy I went on a date with, but I know that people change their minds all the time, and I do too. It feels stupid to not talk to the other two, just because I had one good date with someone.

However, I feel like if things do start to get more serious, I'm going to feel terrible I was talking/seeing other people during the talking stages. Since I would only end up with 1, I'd feel horrible if these other guys have been investing in me for like a month, only for me to leave.

There just doesn't seem to be one good way to do things. If I was being completely selfish, yes, I would date all three until one asked to be exclusive, but that could take months. It's also... not at all who I am and I feel like a fraud a little. I understand that men do this too, but it's just not what I'm personally comfortable with and I don't want to start a meaningful connection with someone like that. No idea what to do.

Btw, I don't plan on sleeping with all these guys btw. I'm sexually monogamous. I just don't know how to handle the initial talking stage if it's multiple dudes.

Advice??



Submitted December 26, 2022 at 01:03AM

I was trying to only talk to one person at a time on the apps. However, I would get ghosted and it just didn't seem to be the "smart" thing to do.So I decided to just start talking to more guys. Over the past month, I've started significant conversations with 6 people and 3 ghosted me. Out of the remaining 3, I had a date with one of them and the other two have scheduled with me.I like this guy I went on a date with, but I know that people change their minds all the time, and I do too. It feels stupid to not talk to the other two, just because I had one good date with someone.However, I feel like if things do start to get more serious, I'm going to feel terrible I was talking/seeing other people during the talking stages. Since I would only end up with 1, I'd feel horrible if these other guys have been investing in me for like a month, only for me to leave.There just doesn't seem to be one good way to do things. If I was being completely selfish, yes, I would date all three until one asked to be exclusive, but that could take months. It's also... not at all who I am and I feel like a fraud a little. I understand that men do this too, but it's just not what I'm personally comfortable with and I don't want to start a meaningful connection with someone like that. No idea what to do.Btw, I don't plan on sleeping with all these guys btw. I'm sexually monogamous. I just don't know how to handle the initial talking stage if it's multiple dudes.Advice??
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Add Comments, Posts, Links... etc.

Popular posts from this blog

The difference between being right and being understood

My boyfriend and I are 28. We’ve been together for about 1.5 years and recently moved in together. He’s a pretty patient and easygoing person (Type B) whereas I’m more particular (Type A). Of course there are two sides to every trait, and my Type A nature benefits us in some ways too. Like all couples, we have differences in perspective or preference. When this happens, he will usually say something like “I disagree (with your perspective) but fine.” I tend to push the issue in an attempt to get him to understand where I’m coming from. This escalates the disagreement into a fight because he perceives it as me trying to be “right”. I truly just want to be understood (and I want to understand where he’s coming from) so I’m looking for more of a dialogue whereas he avoids conflict and just wants it to be over as quickly as possible. His general approach is “agree to disagree” but that doesn’t make sense to me when it’s an issue that will keep coming up and requires compromise. I’m n...
Read more

My (27f) gf (27f) is getting tired of me not sharing intimate/ personal info about me

I’ve always been extremely private and introverted. We have more than a year together and we’ve been living together for like 6 months, we get along pretty good and I’m really in love with her, however I can not seem to open up... and I can tell it’s frustrating to her by the way she tells me it bothers her that she feels she’s the only one committed and the one that’s always sharing... At this point I don’t even know if it is that I’ve gotten too used to it, to the point I’ve became lazy to talk about myself or give any genuine personal opinion... it sucks, really, I need to communicate better... Where do I start? Tl;dr: I can’t be completely intimate with my gf and its frustrating her, I need to communicate better because I really love her... where to start? Submitted April 25, 2019 at 06:02AM I’ve always been extremely private and introverted. We have more than a year together and we’ve been living together for like 6 months, we get along pretty good and I’m really in love ...
Read more

My (23M) girlfriend (25F) relationship is confusing to me. I might be the problem, or maybe we are just incompatible.

I met my girlfriend after a few serious breakups that led me to change both intentionally and unintentionally over a few years. For better and for worse. She had just gotten out of an engagement with a verbally and physically abusive man who had a cocaine problem. We have been together about 8 months now. We hit it off and spent a lot of time together but she began to push our relationship as if there were a time clock for milestones. I was pressed beyond my comfort zone and went with it because of my affection for her. My living situation fell apart and I lost a few thousand dollars to shit roommates right around the time she and I met and she offered to let me stay with her. I agreed with some resistance. I pay for food, help her with bills, and throw money toward rent while trying to get back on my feet. As long as we have been together she has gotten more possessive, angry, and irrational. She is dealing with shit from her engagement and I feel shes looking for a level of seriou...
Read more