Guy refuses any kind of “romance” that resembles “rom-coms”… & it’s awkward

I’m 28F, he’s 28M.

We started off as friends and became really close. Three years ago, his fiancé, unfortunately took her own life. (Do not ask why). But I know he carries that guilt with him and he has ever since. He hasn’t had anyone in his life romantically ever since because he feels shame & that it’s like cheating on her in a way. He’s battling the need to move on and move forward, but his habits keep him back.

We started to bloom into more than friends, somehow, for about a month. I am a lover of all things beautiful in the world, I love poetry and romcoms. I’m very compassionate, and I try to find the beauty in everyone. He makes fun of me for loving fairytales and romcoms. But he was that guy before… he did have it in him.

As things started to progress between us, he gets very uncomfortable talking about real feelings. If I try to jokingly make any kind of moment that would resemble a romcom at all, or any kind of sappy romance, he gets irritated. I’m not trying to upset him. I’m acting the way I always have when I’ve been courted before.

Example: tomorrow he asked if I was free for the day, and if I wanted to go to this place that’s about an hour away from us. So normally, I love messing with him (we roast each other & it’s our thing), I said “ooooo is that you asking me on a date instead of just a hangout for the first time?!” We’ve never gone on a date before. He immediately gets upset and says “why is it different?? Why can’t you just enjoy a day with someone why does it have to be “okay depending on what it is I have to act differently”??? “ <—- his exact response. I just want to have fun and be flirty with him.

Am I doing something wrong here? For wanting to flirt and make sure we are on the same page? It’s like we still talk as friends; everything is the EXACT same as our friendship…but of course there’s the added intimacy, (sexually & non sexually). Don’t get me wrong. He has done acts of kindness, like dropping off some thing I needed at my house because he remembered I wanted it & stays up late sometimes for me. that’s about it though. Idk.

TL;DR I don’t even have a way to summarize this. My best friend and I have become more, but suffers with the trauma of his ex passing away 3 years ago. One minute he’s excited that he has feelings again for someone. The next he gets irritated anytime I want to flirt or have a cute moment. or if I talk about feelings, romantic gestures… it’s like why even tell me you want to try if you’re not going to give it your all? He says he’s trying, but that comment he said stung.

Submitted December 23, 2022 at 12:08AM

I’m 28F, he’s 28M.We started off as friends and became really close. Three years ago, his fiancé, unfortunately took her own life. (Do not ask why). But I know he carries that guilt with him and he has ever since. He hasn’t had anyone in his life romantically ever since because he feels shame & that it’s like cheating on her in a way. He’s battling the need to move on and move forward, but his habits keep him back.We started to bloom into more than friends, somehow, for about a month. I am a lover of all things beautiful in the world, I love poetry and romcoms. I’m very compassionate, and I try to find the beauty in everyone. He makes fun of me for loving fairytales and romcoms. But he was that guy before… he did have it in him.As things started to progress between us, he gets very uncomfortable talking about real feelings. If I try to jokingly make any kind of moment that would resemble a romcom at all, or any kind of sappy romance, he gets irritated. I’m not trying to upset him. I’m acting the way I always have when I’ve been courted before.Example: tomorrow he asked if I was free for the day, and if I wanted to go to this place that’s about an hour away from us. So normally, I love messing with him (we roast each other & it’s our thing), I said “ooooo is that you asking me on a date instead of just a hangout for the first time?!” We’ve never gone on a date before. He immediately gets upset and says “why is it different?? Why can’t you just enjoy a day with someone why does it have to be “okay depending on what it is I have to act differently”??? “ <�—- his exact response. I just want to have fun and be flirty with him.Am I doing something wrong here? For wanting to flirt and make sure we are on the same page? It’s like we still talk as friends; everything is the EXACT same as our friendship…but of course there’s the added intimacy, (sexually & non sexually). Don’t get me wrong. He has done acts of kindness, like dropping off some thing I needed at my house because he remembered I wanted it & stays up late sometimes for me. that’s about it though. Idk.TL;DR I don’t even have a way to summarize this. My best friend and I have become more, but suffers with the trauma of his ex passing away 3 years ago. One minute he’s excited that he has feelings again for someone. The next he gets irritated anytime I want to flirt or have a cute moment. or if I talk about feelings, romantic gestures… it’s like why even tell me you want to try if you’re not going to give it your all? He says he’s trying, but that comment he said stung.