Unrequited

So I (26m) started a job nearly a year ago where I met a coworker (21f) that I admittedly developed a severe crush on. I don’t really date or anything like that, and I hardly prioritize such things over work at the moment, so situations like this are rare for me. I became friends with her and her other coworkers who are also her friends over a short period. Anyway, about a month in and I finally get the nerve to ask her out. She rejects me, albeit softly, saying she doesn’t really hang out with coworkers. I take my lumps and chalk it up to a “oh well, what can you do?”

I initially remain distant until I believe she notices that I’m becoming such and I step in just to make sure she knows I’m not giving her the cold shoulder or anything, but just avoiding awkwardness. She laughs and we get along just fine and make jokes. A few days later one of her and I’s friends comes up to me and teases me that I asked her out, stating “yeah, she just doesn’t like anybody.” I kind of felt taken aback that she knew because I had not told anyone so obviously she told her friends. I approached her and asked her why she was telling everyone I asked her out, not as an interrogation but rather a, “haha I got you.”

Fast forward a few more months and we are talking every day. Playful teasing and workplace gossip. She’s always complaining she never gets to work with me (it’s a large department). Things are going great and I feel like what the hell maybe I should ask her out again. “She’s very shy and introverted, maybe she just wanted time to think.” Until today when I became very confused.

I saw her leaving her vehicle with another guy who works at the company and I never felt a harder drop in the gut in all of my life. It’s not my business but I really like this girl and it just hurts so much to think that I had been played. I even asked her later if she was seeing him and she confirmed. I told her that I didn’t know she was available and I would’ve asked her out again if I’d had time. She again reiterated that she didn’t want to date coworkers because of what could happen when things go bad and told me maybe when she ends up quitting. She’s very sweet and I know she wouldn’t do anything like that maliciously, but my self-worth has absolutely shattered into pieces and I’m having a hard time right now. I don’t feel lied to, but I’m just upset with myself for holding onto strings I should’ve let fray.

I’m a reasonably attractive guy so I don’t believe that was the issue, and I normally have tons of confidence and people tend to tell me I’m great at talking and relating to others.

I guess my question is how I’m supposed to pick myself back up after a fall like that when I have to work with this person and see this every day. I left work early because I was having issues paying attention and people were noticing I was off. I wear my heart on my sleeve and the job truly is nothing to me so I almost feel as if I should distance myself from this before I make a bigger fool of myself. I just would like to rewind time back 8 months.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Submitted November 19, 2022 at 12:14AM

So I (26m) started a job nearly a year ago where I met a coworker (21f) that I admittedly developed a severe crush on. I don’t really date or anything like that, and I hardly prioritize such things over work at the moment, so situations like this are rare for me. I became friends with her and her other coworkers who are also her friends over a short period. Anyway, about a month in and I finally get the nerve to ask her out. She rejects me, albeit softly, saying she doesn’t really hang out with coworkers. I take my lumps and chalk it up to a “oh well, what can you do?”I initially remain distant until I believe she notices that I’m becoming such and I step in just to make sure she knows I’m not giving her the cold shoulder or anything, but just avoiding awkwardness. She laughs and we get along just fine and make jokes. A few days later one of her and I’s friends comes up to me and teases me that I asked her out, stating “yeah, she just doesn’t like anybody.” I kind of felt taken aback that she knew because I had not told anyone so obviously she told her friends. I approached her and asked her why she was telling everyone I asked her out, not as an interrogation but rather a, “haha I got you.”Fast forward a few more months and we are talking every day. Playful teasing and workplace gossip. She’s always complaining she never gets to work with me (it’s a large department). Things are going great and I feel like what the hell maybe I should ask her out again. “She’s very shy and introverted, maybe she just wanted time to think.” Until today when I became very confused.I saw her leaving her vehicle with another guy who works at the company and I never felt a harder drop in the gut in all of my life. It’s not my business but I really like this girl and it just hurts so much to think that I had been played. I even asked her later if she was seeing him and she confirmed. I told her that I didn’t know she was available and I would’ve asked her out again if I’d had time. She again reiterated that she didn’t want to date coworkers because of what could happen when things go bad and told me maybe when she ends up quitting. She’s very sweet and I know she wouldn’t do anything like that maliciously, but my self-worth has absolutely shattered into pieces and I’m having a hard time right now. I don’t feel lied to, but I’m just upset with myself for holding onto strings I should’ve let fray.I’m a reasonably attractive guy so I don’t believe that was the issue, and I normally have tons of confidence and people tend to tell me I’m great at talking and relating to others.I guess my question is how I’m supposed to pick myself back up after a fall like that when I have to work with this person and see this every day. I left work early because I was having issues paying attention and people were noticing I was off. I wear my heart on my sleeve and the job truly is nothing to me so I almost feel as if I should distance myself from this before I make a bigger fool of myself. I just would like to rewind time back 8 months.Any advice would be greatly appreciated.