Is this too much

So some background my girlfriend and I have been dating for about 6 months now. Things are getting pretty serious, we are both in this for marriage. She is a Christian so with that, no sex until marriage. Big deal I’ve come to terms with that a while ago I’m fine with it actually. We both go over to each other’s houses now so we don’t always have to go out on dates to spend time with each other and have to spend money to see each other. Obviously we get affectionate and sometimes it gets intense but we don’t end up having sex. Lately she has had a guilty conscience of it and now it’s to the point she doesn’t want to see each other unless we go out to do things to prevent us from getting into those situations. At first I said sure if that’s what you want but it’s almost like working backwards in our relationship when I thought about it. So one thing about her is she loves to go on trips and she goes with friends often. This means I no longer have this opportunity until after marriage.. she has some trips planned with friends coming up and all I can think about is how much I would envy them because I don’t get that chance. Now it’s like I don’t even want to hear how the trip went, see any pictures of any trips because I can’t even leave the zip code with her. I feel selfish for explaining that to her but she still insist we stick with that plan. I offered to really give us the chance to work on self control but she doubts we can. She says it will be her on us for sure but it’s the only thing she can think of to help. My main thing is I know how much I’ll suffer from doing so, I would resent her and the things she loves to do overtime. I would only be able to focus on my relationship and nothing else. I would lose all motivation for the things I have planned to better myself. I know it’s easy to say “you shouldn’t hurt yourself because of your relationship and be able to focus on yourself” but isn’t what she is asking too much to ask of someone? I just don’t want to look to marriage as an escape from a living hell. I love her, and she is the one I want for sure. I just want this honestly go out into the abyss and have someone tell me it’s going to be okay. We talk everything out but some things I can’t bring up cause that would add to the stress. Please just someone be there for me.

Thanks if you read all of this.

Submitted November 14, 2022 at 01:09AM

So some background my girlfriend and I have been dating for about 6 months now. Things are getting pretty serious, we are both in this for marriage. She is a Christian so with that, no sex until marriage. Big deal I’ve come to terms with that a while ago I’m fine with it actually. We both go over to each other’s houses now so we don’t always have to go out on dates to spend time with each other and have to spend money to see each other. Obviously we get affectionate and sometimes it gets intense but we don’t end up having sex. Lately she has had a guilty conscience of it and now it’s to the point she doesn’t want to see each other unless we go out to do things to prevent us from getting into those situations. At first I said sure if that’s what you want but it’s almost like working backwards in our relationship when I thought about it. So one thing about her is she loves to go on trips and she goes with friends often. This means I no longer have this opportunity until after marriage.. she has some trips planned with friends coming up and all I can think about is how much I would envy them because I don’t get that chance. Now it’s like I don’t even want to hear how the trip went, see any pictures of any trips because I can’t even leave the zip code with her. I feel selfish for explaining that to her but she still insist we stick with that plan. I offered to really give us the chance to work on self control but she doubts we can. She says it will be her on us for sure but it’s the only thing she can think of to help. My main thing is I know how much I’ll suffer from doing so, I would resent her and the things she loves to do overtime. I would only be able to focus on my relationship and nothing else. I would lose all motivation for the things I have planned to better myself. I know it’s easy to say “you shouldn’t hurt yourself because of your relationship and be able to focus on yourself” but isn’t what she is asking too much to ask of someone? I just don’t want to look to marriage as an escape from a living hell. I love her, and she is the one I want for sure. I just want this honestly go out into the abyss and have someone tell me it’s going to be okay. We talk everything out but some things I can’t bring up cause that would add to the stress. Please just someone be there for me.Thanks if you read all of this.