How do other boring weirdoes make any of this work?

34M (Agender, but AMAB and masc presenting) Trying OLD after several years of being single post-divorce and never having dated as an adult. How do shy boring people find anyone to date? I’ve had a single date in 3 years, and that was most certainly a fluke. My therapist suggested I try to date to alleviate my loneliness. I don’t get out much and when I do I keep to myself. I consider talking to strangers to be incredibly rude. As a result I’m now on several apps - one of which my therapist recommended specifically (Feeld) but the whole experience across all has been very disappointing. The available pool of people seem completely incompatible with myself and my lifestyle. I don’t feel like I’m looking for anything particularly unusual or extravagant. I’m chiefly looking for a partner to spend time with that is physically affectionate and with whom I can develop an emotional and romantic bond. I’m not looking to get married and I’m not looking for a one night stand. I’m sober, child free, and non-religious/spiritual. These are very important to me and I’d like to find all three in a person - but that seems nearly impossible in my area/age range. This is further complicated by my general boringness and introverted nature. I do not have hobbies that lend themselves to group activities/socializing through the hobby and I do not enjoy loud noises/large gatherings. Additionally, I live in a red state in the south and am very left-leaning politically. When I do come across someone that I think I might be able to get along well with it seems inevitable that they either drink, have children, smoke pot, live a much more outgoing lifestyle than I could ever hope to keep up with, are in some sort of partnered poly situation (which is cool, just not something I’m interested in being involved in), and/or are very upfront about their sexual interests/kinks (which, again, cool - I’m just not interested in sex that much and consider myself fairly vanilla). The few friends that I have are very supportive, often tell me I’ll find someone someday, and they have wonderful things to say about me - but I just can’t shake the feeling that either they’re very biased or suffering some sort of collective delusion. I’m a very shy person, and my biggest hurdle in life has often been “putting myself out there” but now that I’m trying, I think I have an even bigger hurdle: I’m apparently some sort of antisocial weirdo. Which, fair enough. I’ve never really ‘fit in’ much and I know that I have a variety of characteristics that don’t lend themselves to broad appeal. I’m just surprised at the seeming uniqueness of my position. From what I can see of other people’s profiles and what they say they’re looking for I seem to be uniquely uninteresting. If it weren’t for my regrettable human need for connection I’d be tempted to give up and die alone surrounded by my cats. How do other boring weirdoes make any of this work?

Submitted November 09, 2022 at 01:13AM

34M (Agender, but AMAB and masc presenting) Trying OLD after several years of being single post-divorce and never having dated as an adult. How do shy boring people find anyone to date? I’ve had a single date in 3 years, and that was most certainly a fluke. My therapist suggested I try to date to alleviate my loneliness. I don’t get out much and when I do I keep to myself. I consider talking to strangers to be incredibly rude. As a result I’m now on several apps - one of which my therapist recommended specifically (Feeld) but the whole experience across all has been very disappointing. The available pool of people seem completely incompatible with myself and my lifestyle. I don’t feel like I’m looking for anything particularly unusual or extravagant. I’m chiefly looking for a partner to spend time with that is physically affectionate and with whom I can develop an emotional and romantic bond. I’m not looking to get married and I’m not looking for a one night stand. I’m sober, child free, and non-religious/spiritual. These are very important to me and I’d like to find all three in a person - but that seems nearly impossible in my area/age range. This is further complicated by my general boringness and introverted nature. I do not have hobbies that lend themselves to group activities/socializing through the hobby and I do not enjoy loud noises/large gatherings. Additionally, I live in a red state in the south and am very left-leaning politically. When I do come across someone that I think I might be able to get along well with it seems inevitable that they either drink, have children, smoke pot, live a much more outgoing lifestyle than I could ever hope to keep up with, are in some sort of partnered poly situation (which is cool, just not something I’m interested in being involved in), and/or are very upfront about their sexual interests/kinks (which, again, cool - I’m just not interested in sex that much and consider myself fairly vanilla). The few friends that I have are very supportive, often tell me I’ll find someone someday, and they have wonderful things to say about me - but I just can’t shake the feeling that either they’re very biased or suffering some sort of collective delusion. I’m a very shy person, and my biggest hurdle in life has often been “putting myself out there” but now that I’m trying, I think I have an even bigger hurdle: I’m apparently some sort of antisocial weirdo. Which, fair enough. I’ve never really ‘fit in’ much and I know that I have a variety of characteristics that don’t lend themselves to broad appeal. I’m just surprised at the seeming uniqueness of my position. From what I can see of other people’s profiles and what they say they’re looking for I seem to be uniquely uninteresting. If it weren’t for my regrettable human need for connection I’d be tempted to give up and die alone surrounded by my cats. How do other boring weirdoes make any of this work?