Feel like I messed up first date

Hi all! I had made another reddit post but decided to condense it since it was too long. I decided to download an OLD app as I felt ready to see what’s out there.

Here is what i’m overthinking now: I (26f) matched with a guy (28m) and soon after we set up a date for the weekend. Yay!! About 3 days had passed and we hadn’t talked ever since setting up the date, so the night before the date I decided to message him. He didn’t respond. The day of the date he didn’t message me, which I thought was odd. I’ve heard many horror stories of people being ghosted that I kinda went into protective mode and assumed that he was standing me up. In hindsight, I know I should have texted him one more time to confirm so that what ended up happening next didn’t happen. A few minutes before we were supposed to meet, he texts me that he’s at the restaurant. Mind you, I hadn’t heard from him in like 3 days. I immediately feel bad for assuming he was standing me up and try to make my way over there as soon as possible, and texted him apologizing for running late.

I arrive 40 minutes later(awful, I know) and profusely apologize and let him know that it was out of character for me to be so late. He accepted the apology and we actually connected really well and he even made comments about “next time we hang out.”

As I was driving home, I realized that I forgot to offer to pay the bill. I felt like it was rude to not offer to do so after being so late to our date and I think it’s the polite thing to do, whether you’re dining with a friend or someone you’re getting to know. It must have slipped my mind because i was busy feeling so guilty for making this poor man wait almost an hour for me. Now he has to pay for my meal too??!

I text him when I got home and thanked him for dinner, apologized again for my tardiness, and told him that I would make up for it if we do this again. He said he had a fun too and would let me know when he was free for a second date. To no one’s surprise, I didn’t hear back from him and it’s been two weeks.

I’ve been overthinking this whole situation and just how rude my behavior must have looked to him. I keep beating myself up because my lack of communication with him prior to the date was the reason I was so late and me not offering to pay the bill makes me cringe even more at my behvaior.

Was this really that bad or am I overthinking it? I’ve definitely learned my lesson for next time, but feel like him ghosting me now was ultimately my fault and I can’t shake that.

Submitted October 03, 2022 at 01:08AM

Hi all! I had made another reddit post but decided to condense it since it was too long. I decided to download an OLD app as I felt ready to see what’s out there.Here is what i’m overthinking now: I (26f) matched with a guy (28m) and soon after we set up a date for the weekend. Yay!! About 3 days had passed and we hadn’t talked ever since setting up the date, so the night before the date I decided to message him. He didn’t respond. The day of the date he didn’t message me, which I thought was odd. I’ve heard many horror stories of people being ghosted that I kinda went into protective mode and assumed that he was standing me up. In hindsight, I know I should have texted him one more time to confirm so that what ended up happening next didn’t happen. A few minutes before we were supposed to meet, he texts me that he’s at the restaurant. Mind you, I hadn’t heard from him in like 3 days. I immediately feel bad for assuming he was standing me up and try to make my way over there as soon as possible, and texted him apologizing for running late.I arrive 40 minutes later(awful, I know) and profusely apologize and let him know that it was out of character for me to be so late. He accepted the apology and we actually connected really well and he even made comments about “next time we hang out.”As I was driving home, I realized that I forgot to offer to pay the bill. I felt like it was rude to not offer to do so after being so late to our date and I think it’s the polite thing to do, whether you’re dining with a friend or someone you’re getting to know. It must have slipped my mind because i was busy feeling so guilty for making this poor man wait almost an hour for me. Now he has to pay for my meal too??!I text him when I got home and thanked him for dinner, apologized again for my tardiness, and told him that I would make up for it if we do this again. He said he had a fun too and would let me know when he was free for a second date. To no one’s surprise, I didn’t hear back from him and it’s been two weeks.I’ve been overthinking this whole situation and just how rude my behavior must have looked to him. I keep beating myself up because my lack of communication with him prior to the date was the reason I was so late and me not offering to pay the bill makes me cringe even more at my behvaior.Was this really that bad or am I overthinking it? I’ve definitely learned my lesson for next time, but feel like him ghosting me now was ultimately my fault and I can’t shake that.