Long-distance situationship is really tough right now, and she sometimes gives some mixed signals. Not sure what to do, scared of losing her and it looks like it's gonna end.. Can i save it?

Sorry, it's a bit long. I (M29) started seeing her (F25) almost six months ago. We got really close before summer break, but we didn't become official because we would be living in different countries until christmas. During summer-break, she came a long way to visit me, and we had a wonderful time. Really felt like we connected a lot. She met many of my friends, and also my brother and his wife. Her having travelled to see me, and meeting those people felt like really serious intentions to me. We then started this thing that i have now discovered is called a "situationship". Where we are kinda together, but not really official. It's been very up and down. We text pretty much every single day, and it's often flirty and romantic etc. Still, it's a bit weird sometimes, and i find myself getting quite jealous and worried when she's going out with friends and people that i don't know about, considering we're not official. Yet, she hasn't really given me any reason to suspect that she could be seeing other people, considering how much she talks to me.

The main issue at hand is obviously the long-distance and that we're not able to see eachother at the moment. We've never had any fights or drama, and we always say how much we miss eachother and how much we look forward to seeing eachother again. The issue though is that it's really difficult for us to find time to see eachother because of our schedules and the flight-times/prices. If the prices would have been different this month she would probably already have visited me. She lives in a house with a friend of hers, and they share common space except for their own rooms. Because of this, she is a bit reluctant towards me visiting her, and says that she "doesn't want to be a 'dick' to her roommate and have visitors all weekend in the tiny apartment". I find it a bit silly, like, she can't have a guest for a weekend? Ugh.

Yesterday, she had a night-shift, and talked to me a lot. She seemed really positive. About us, about seeing eachother etc. She showed almost unusual affection towards me, and it made me really happy. I told her that she could look up some possible weekends for us to meet, since she had some free time at work, while i was sleeping, and she was really positive and said she would do that. Today i asked her if she found something and she's like "i looked a bit, but it's so hard to find anything". I don't think she tried much really, and it frustrates me. We ended up having a bit of a serious conversation, which went something like this:

Her: It's so hard not to see you. And it's not really gonna get any easier..
Me: I also think it's hard not to see you, but i think we can manage. Do you think differently?
Her: I want to think like that, but it's not easy when we're so far apart.
Me: I want to try this.
Her: I'm just worried it's not gonna work
Me: Not sure if it's gonna work or if you want to?
Her: Not sure if i want it to be this way..

We then talked about the future, since she'll be working until christmas, and after that her contract is over. I have proposed that she could come live with me, and that we could try it out, and after that move back to our country if it works out. She doesn't dismiss the idea, we have discussed it before, and she did briefly live with me before our summer-break. She only sees problems however. "I don't know if i'm gonna get work where you are, i need to terminate my lease, etc. it's a lot to think about". She used to work in the same workplace as me, and i think there's a possibility she could get some work here if she would return. In the end of the convo i said "i hope you can be honest with me, if you don't feel like it's going to work. I want to make this work." And she said "I want it to work too. But tonight i just feel like nothings gonna work out. Maybe i'm just tired.. I told you i was really bad at this (long distance)" After this we kinda agreed to think about it and talk more another time, and we went back to our normal convos.

I'm feeling very gutted and broken. I really don't want this to end. I do genuinely think she likes me and wants to be with me, but the distance and planning makes it so hard. I know the "i'm not sure if it's gonna work out" sounds very damning, and i felt that too, but when we kept talking i found it still quite clear that she didn't really want it to end either. I feel lost. What should i do to save this?

Submitted September 22, 2022 at 12:12AM

Sorry, it's a bit long. I (M29) started seeing her (F25) almost six months ago. We got really close before summer break, but we didn't become official because we would be living in different countries until christmas. During summer-break, she came a long way to visit me, and we had a wonderful time. Really felt like we connected a lot. She met many of my friends, and also my brother and his wife. Her having travelled to see me, and meeting those people felt like really serious intentions to me. We then started this thing that i have now discovered is called a "situationship". Where we are kinda together, but not really official. It's been very up and down. We text pretty much every single day, and it's often flirty and romantic etc. Still, it's a bit weird sometimes, and i find myself getting quite jealous and worried when she's going out with friends and people that i don't know about, considering we're not official. Yet, she hasn't really given me any reason to suspect that she could be seeing other people, considering how much she talks to me.The main issue at hand is obviously the long-distance and that we're not able to see eachother at the moment. We've never had any fights or drama, and we always say how much we miss eachother and how much we look forward to seeing eachother again. The issue though is that it's really difficult for us to find time to see eachother because of our schedules and the flight-times/prices. If the prices would have been different this month she would probably already have visited me. She lives in a house with a friend of hers, and they share common space except for their own rooms. Because of this, she is a bit reluctant towards me visiting her, and says that she "doesn't want to be a 'dick' to her roommate and have visitors all weekend in the tiny apartment". I find it a bit silly, like, she can't have a guest for a weekend? Ugh.Yesterday, she had a night-shift, and talked to me a lot. She seemed really positive. About us, about seeing eachother etc. She showed almost unusual affection towards me, and it made me really happy. I told her that she could look up some possible weekends for us to meet, since she had some free time at work, while i was sleeping, and she was really positive and said she would do that. Today i asked her if she found something and she's like "i looked a bit, but it's so hard to find anything". I don't think she tried much really, and it frustrates me. We ended up having a bit of a serious conversation, which went something like this:Her: It's so hard not to see you. And it's not really gonna get any easier..Me: I also think it's hard not to see you, but i think we can manage. Do you think differently?Her: I want to think like that, but it's not easy when we're so far apart.Me: I want to try this.Her: I'm just worried it's not gonna workMe: Not sure if it's gonna work or if you want to?Her: Not sure if i want it to be this way..We then talked about the future, since she'll be working until christmas, and after that her contract is over. I have proposed that she could come live with me, and that we could try it out, and after that move back to our country if it works out. She doesn't dismiss the idea, we have discussed it before, and she did briefly live with me before our summer-break. She only sees problems however. "I don't know if i'm gonna get work where you are, i need to terminate my lease, etc. it's a lot to think about". She used to work in the same workplace as me, and i think there's a possibility she could get some work here if she would return. In the end of the convo i said "i hope you can be honest with me, if you don't feel like it's going to work. I want to make this work." And she said "I want it to work too. But tonight i just feel like nothings gonna work out. Maybe i'm just tired.. I told you i was really bad at this (long distance)" After this we kinda agreed to think about it and talk more another time, and we went back to our normal convos.I'm feeling very gutted and broken. I really don't want this to end. I do genuinely think she likes me and wants to be with me, but the distance and planning makes it so hard. I know the "i'm not sure if it's gonna work out" sounds very damning, and i felt that too, but when we kept talking i found it still quite clear that she didn't really want it to end either. I feel lost. What should i do to save this?