I am a total dating failure at the moment and I know why but I don't know how to fix the problem!

I [26/M] broke up with long-term girlfriend in late 2019, just before COVID hit. I was a wreck for a few months after and went on one date back home before the successive COVID lockdowns. Since then, I've moved to London, have a promising career and have a good social life. However, I suck at dating.

Since arriving in London, I have been on over 20 dates. Most of them have ended in failure (ie no second date). A couple went to further dates but we either didn't vibe or I got ghosted and one was just purely a one-night stand situation.

Anyway, last night I went on a date with this really cool, attractive girl who loves the same niche bands, movies and things as me. She is literally my double in terms of interests, however, she was a bit more edgy/hipster than me (which is where I think what is about to come stems from). Anyway, after the date, she gave me her number (I only had her Hinge profile before). I text her today saying I had a good time and would she be down to hang out again. She said she would but only as friends... This has never happened before but I fear this is where everything stems from. I'm in the perpetual friendzone.

For context, I'm a primary teacher (elementary/middle for you North American Redditors) and I look and come across when you first meet me as Mr Vanilla. I mean I kind of am but I am not boring: I play guitar in a locally successful band, enjoy partying and getting stoned with my friends and I keep myself fit by running 10Ks weekly. I'm not just the classic boring white dude, though maybe I am and don't realise it haha.

I am going through a bit of an identity crisis because the way I portray myself isn't necessarily reflective of my hobbies, though I wouldn't feel comfortable trying to portray myself differently. Essentially the issue here is:

Girls who go on dates with me because they think I'm Mr Vanilla don't have the same hobbies/interests as me, so there's no connection.

Girls who go on dates with me because they have the same hobbies/interests as me don't find me appealing because I don't dress like a hipster or act edgy.

It's a total catch-22. Mix this with high functioning ASD and I am really worried that I'm going to remain single for a while.



Submitted August 05, 2022 at 12:11AM

I [26/M] broke up with long-term girlfriend in late 2019, just before COVID hit. I was a wreck for a few months after and went on one date back home before the successive COVID lockdowns. Since then, I've moved to London, have a promising career and have a good social life. However, I suck at dating.Since arriving in London, I have been on over 20 dates. Most of them have ended in failure (ie no second date). A couple went to further dates but we either didn't vibe or I got ghosted and one was just purely a one-night stand situation.Anyway, last night I went on a date with this really cool, attractive girl who loves the same niche bands, movies and things as me. She is literally my double in terms of interests, however, she was a bit more edgy/hipster than me (which is where I think what is about to come stems from). Anyway, after the date, she gave me her number (I only had her Hinge profile before). I text her today saying I had a good time and would she be down to hang out again. She said she would but only as friends... This has never happened before but I fear this is where everything stems from. I'm in the perpetual friendzone.For context, I'm a primary teacher (elementary/middle for you North American Redditors) and I look and come across when you first meet me as Mr Vanilla. I mean I kind of am but I am not boring: I play guitar in a locally successful band, enjoy partying and getting stoned with my friends and I keep myself fit by running 10Ks weekly. I'm not just the classic boring white dude, though maybe I am and don't realise it haha.I am going through a bit of an identity crisis because the way I portray myself isn't necessarily reflective of my hobbies, though I wouldn't feel comfortable trying to portray myself differently. Essentially the issue here is:Girls who go on dates with me because they think I'm Mr Vanilla don't have the same hobbies/interests as me, so there's no connection.Girls who go on dates with me because they have the same hobbies/interests as me don't find me appealing because I don't dress like a hipster or act edgy.It's a total catch-22. Mix this with high functioning ASD and I am really worried that I'm going to remain single for a while.
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