I [f20] think that I might never be able to fall in love due to trauma

Here’s some context:

I‘ve had a bit of a fucked up upbringing. To make it short: My Dad used to be a violent asshole (He would beat my brother as a baby for crying too loud and verbally abused me all throughout my life) and my Mum was through and through a narcissistic manipulator. Everyday of my childhood was full of screams, objects breaking and me waking up in the morning terrified.

So needless to say, I wasn’t given the best example of what a healthy relationship is. Because of that I have never really been crazy about the whole dating thing. I believed that a relationship can be nothing but painful and should be avoided. I have had a thing with a guy every once in a while but would stop it and push them away every time before it got too serious.

I went through some tough years in my short life. I suffered from depression and almost killed myself, only to pull myself out of that state all by myself. Today I live on my own and have finally been happy and relatively worry free for a while, which is how my mindset on this whole relationship thing changed. For a while now I have actually started to seriously long for a relationship like never before in my life.

The thing is that I have never struggled to find guys that like me. I am getting a lot of compliments for my looks and get asked out a lot. I don’t always have the confidence to understand that, but I consider myself lucky in that regard.

So everything is well, it should be easy, right? But whenever a guy looks at me or approaches me I feel terrified. My chest tightens and breathing becomes a little more difficult. No matter who they are or how nice they seem, I always smile, tell them it is flattering but politely turn them down. Immediately after I am only left with regret, mentally kicking myself for how stupid I’m being, when this seems to be so easy for everyone else (even though I understand that it never is).

On top of everything, it is very difficult for me to be attracted to someone without an emotional connection. So if I don’t turn down strangers because I feel scared, it is out of worry that I wouldn’t feel attraction for them once I get to know them, and would therefore only end up hurting them.

Even of the people I do know, I only ever develop short-lived crushes before the feelings go away and I am left at square one. I understand that I am only 20 but it really does feel like it will never happen for me.

I’m not trying to waste anyone’s time, but I really could use some advice.

TL;DR: Fucked up parents caused me to be scared of dating. I suppose.

Submitted February 01, 2022 at 12:12AM

Here’s some context:I‘ve had a bit of a fucked up upbringing. To make it short: My Dad used to be a violent asshole (He would beat my brother as a baby for crying too loud and verbally abused me all throughout my life) and my Mum was through and through a narcissistic manipulator. Everyday of my childhood was full of screams, objects breaking and me waking up in the morning terrified.So needless to say, I wasn’t given the best example of what a healthy relationship is. Because of that I have never really been crazy about the whole dating thing. I believed that a relationship can be nothing but painful and should be avoided. I have had a thing with a guy every once in a while but would stop it and push them away every time before it got too serious.I went through some tough years in my short life. I suffered from depression and almost killed myself, only to pull myself out of that state all by myself. Today I live on my own and have finally been happy and relatively worry free for a while, which is how my mindset on this whole relationship thing changed. For a while now I have actually started to seriously long for a relationship like never before in my life.The thing is that I have never struggled to find guys that like me. I am getting a lot of compliments for my looks and get asked out a lot. I don’t always have the confidence to understand that, but I consider myself lucky in that regard.So everything is well, it should be easy, right? But whenever a guy looks at me or approaches me I feel terrified. My chest tightens and breathing becomes a little more difficult. No matter who they are or how nice they seem, I always smile, tell them it is flattering but politely turn them down. Immediately after I am only left with regret, mentally kicking myself for how stupid I’m being, when this seems to be so easy for everyone else (even though I understand that it never is).On top of everything, it is very difficult for me to be attracted to someone without an emotional connection. So if I don’t turn down strangers because I feel scared, it is out of worry that I wouldn’t feel attraction for them once I get to know them, and would therefore only end up hurting them.Even of the people I do know, I only ever develop short-lived crushes before the feelings go away and I am left at square one. I understand that I am only 20 but it really does feel like it will never happen for me.I’m not trying to waste anyone’s time, but I really could use some advice.TL;DR: Fucked up parents caused me to be scared of dating. I suppose.