AITA for Dating a Friend(at One Point in Time)'s Ex

I (24F) started dating my partner (23M) about six months ago. I dated one of his good friends years ago and after that relationship ended, my now partner and I, along with a handful of my partner's friends stayed connected through the end of college (spring 2020), and formed a smaller friend group that got to hang out online each week because we couldn't hang in person. This group consisted of me, my now partner, his then girlfriend, and three mutual friends. The girlfriend (23F today) and I were on good terms at the time; she helped me get through the breakup with the guy who first introduced me to them all and helped me feel included even though I went to a different college. It was tough staying in touch with the group in the beginning of the pandemic because everyone felt underwater, but by the winter of 2020, we were staying in pretty decent contact and started texting about things outside of the games we played online that brought us together.

Then the girlfriend ended their relationship in February 2021. They lived about three hours away from one another and according to my partner, did not have many calls or FaceTimes to bridge the distance. She then left the group who was playing online each week because she did not want to be around her ex-boyfriend. I reached out to both of them as soon as I learned about their relationship ending and initially offered equal levels of support, and my partner took me up on my offers more than his ex-girlfriend did. The ex-girlfriend and I texted on occasion, but she didn't ask for support the same way my partner did. She seemed alright, and I unintentionally stopped offering help.

My partner and I grew closer and officially began dating in July of 2021 after meeting a few times over the summer to visit (he visited me once, we met in the middle once, and I visited him once), along with consistent texting, phone calls, and FaceTimes. For the record, he made the first romantic moves and I followed his lead, not having as much as crush on him before this. He supported me through a dicey job change, and I supported him through the end of a year of teaching and coaching highschoolers. We have been very happy together these last six months, and he tells me no other relationship has made him feel this good. Once the ex-girlfriend left the friend group on her own accord, we fell out of touch shortly after. She's since unfollowed me and my partner on social media, and I haven't heard from her since about March 2021. I know I can't really salvage that friendship, but she was a cool person and it makes me sad that I've potentially hurt her. Girlcode didn't even cross my mind because we weren't in touch and I was careful to start dating my partner because we made such strong friends. I feel selfish and stupid for not thinking of this before I started this relationship, but at the same time, she hasn't voiced any issues over this or hinted at being upset to lead me to believe she was hurt by this new relationship.

Submitted February 01, 2022 at 12:11AM

I (24F) started dating my partner (23M) about six months ago. I dated one of his good friends years ago and after that relationship ended, my now partner and I, along with a handful of my partner's friends stayed connected through the end of college (spring 2020), and formed a smaller friend group that got to hang out online each week because we couldn't hang in person. This group consisted of me, my now partner, his then girlfriend, and three mutual friends. The girlfriend (23F today) and I were on good terms at the time; she helped me get through the breakup with the guy who first introduced me to them all and helped me feel included even though I went to a different college. It was tough staying in touch with the group in the beginning of the pandemic because everyone felt underwater, but by the winter of 2020, we were staying in pretty decent contact and started texting about things outside of the games we played online that brought us together.Then the girlfriend ended their relationship in February 2021. They lived about three hours away from one another and according to my partner, did not have many calls or FaceTimes to bridge the distance. She then left the group who was playing online each week because she did not want to be around her ex-boyfriend. I reached out to both of them as soon as I learned about their relationship ending and initially offered equal levels of support, and my partner took me up on my offers more than his ex-girlfriend did. The ex-girlfriend and I texted on occasion, but she didn't ask for support the same way my partner did. She seemed alright, and I unintentionally stopped offering help.My partner and I grew closer and officially began dating in July of 2021 after meeting a few times over the summer to visit (he visited me once, we met in the middle once, and I visited him once), along with consistent texting, phone calls, and FaceTimes. For the record, he made the first romantic moves and I followed his lead, not having as much as crush on him before this. He supported me through a dicey job change, and I supported him through the end of a year of teaching and coaching highschoolers. We have been very happy together these last six months, and he tells me no other relationship has made him feel this good. Once the ex-girlfriend left the friend group on her own accord, we fell out of touch shortly after. She's since unfollowed me and my partner on social media, and I haven't heard from her since about March 2021. I know I can't really salvage that friendship, but she was a cool person and it makes me sad that I've potentially hurt her. Girlcode didn't even cross my mind because we weren't in touch and I was careful to start dating my partner because we made such strong friends. I feel selfish and stupid for not thinking of this before I started this relationship, but at the same time, she hasn't voiced any issues over this or hinted at being upset to lead me to believe she was hurt by this new relationship.