Bf wants to fight, I want to cool down

My bf (29m) and I (28f) have different “styles” when it comes to arguing. When we fight or have a problem, I want my space to calm down, process, and figure out next steps. This could mean a few hours, the rest of the day, or even into the next day depending on the issue.

My bf on the other hand, wants to handle the argument in the heat of the moment so we can “get it over with”, and move on like nothing happened. (And also, makeup sex.) If I don’t physically leave the room, he will try to continue an argument even when I won’t participate. This leads to me becoming even more upset and wanting more space, which leads to him continuing to push me to engage in the argument.

I’m tired of having to either give him the silent treatment or leave my apartment to get the time and space I need. I also hate that it feels like he just wants to settle a fight so we can have sex. I’ve tried talking about my need for space in a fight during times we’re not fighting, but it hasn’t done any good. What else can I do?



Submitted January 16, 2022 at 12:56AM

My bf (29m) and I (28f) have different “styles” when it comes to arguing. When we fight or have a problem, I want my space to calm down, process, and figure out next steps. This could mean a few hours, the rest of the day, or even into the next day depending on the issue.My bf on the other hand, wants to handle the argument in the heat of the moment so we can “get it over with”, and move on like nothing happened. (And also, makeup sex.) If I don’t physically leave the room, he will try to continue an argument even when I won’t participate. This leads to me becoming even more upset and wanting more space, which leads to him continuing to push me to engage in the argument.I’m tired of having to either give him the silent treatment or leave my apartment to get the time and space I need. I also hate that it feels like he just wants to settle a fight so we can have sex. I’ve tried talking about my need for space in a fight during times we’re not fighting, but it hasn’t done any good. What else can I do?
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