/u/Very_Sticky_Fingers on I feel like as a sex-repulsed ace, I will not find a partner that is willing to agree with the boundaries that I want set concerning sexual stuff in our relationship

As a now 21y.o who had (and still has) these exact insecurities, here's my take on it:

  • You are the #1 person to care about in your life. Your boundaries are established with only yourself in mind and should be respected. Cross the line = get shot (figuratively)
  • Being ace really feels intimidating, but don't see it like ace vs. allo. It's more like ace & gays & lesbians & bisexuals & heteros & pans & omnis (so on and so forth). I'll let you in on a secret: as Ace F, you can date lesbians, bisexuals, pans, omnis and heteros.
  • Everyone has trouble dating, yet your (a)sexuality shouldn't be a reason to be ashamed. Quite the contrary: gays, lesbians and bisexuals say it openly; it makes it easier to navigate dating, people who aren't into them just walk away by themselves. Being open about who you are is the best way to date in a self-affirming way, and increases the chances of finding someone with whom you are compatible.
  • Patience. Dating in college was pretty bad; in Uni (I changed city, so it helped too) there was a huge shift in maturity; people communicated, we willing to make things work. I was super scared I wouldn't find someone, decided to concentrate on myself. Then 1 month in this very semester I met someone and we clicked. Now I'm poly - crazy how that works.

​

So that's my advice for you OP: find solace within yourself. Get in that position where you're comfortable just being you. Others will follow. You'll meet people you never thought you'd meet otherwise.





December 28, 2021 at 03:38AM
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