/u/Very_Sticky_Fingers on I feel like as a sex-repulsed ace, I will not find a partner that is willing to agree with the boundaries that I want set concerning sexual stuff in our relationship

As a now 21y.o who had (and still has) these exact insecurities, here's my take on it:

  • You are the #1 person to care about in your life. Your boundaries are established with only yourself in mind and should be respected. Cross the line = get shot (figuratively)
  • Being ace really feels intimidating, but don't see it like ace vs. allo. It's more like ace & gays & lesbians & bisexuals & heteros & pans & omnis (so on and so forth). I'll let you in on a secret: as Ace F, you can date lesbians, bisexuals, pans, omnis and heteros.
  • Everyone has trouble dating, yet your (a)sexuality shouldn't be a reason to be ashamed. Quite the contrary: gays, lesbians and bisexuals say it openly; it makes it easier to navigate dating, people who aren't into them just walk away by themselves. Being open about who you are is the best way to date in a self-affirming way, and increases the chances of finding someone with whom you are compatible.
  • Patience. Dating in college was pretty bad; in Uni (I changed city, so it helped too) there was a huge shift in maturity; people communicated, we willing to make things work. I was super scared I wouldn't find someone, decided to concentrate on myself. Then 1 month in this very semester I met someone and we clicked. Now I'm poly - crazy how that works.

​

So that's my advice for you OP: find solace within yourself. Get in that position where you're comfortable just being you. Others will follow. You'll meet people you never thought you'd meet otherwise.





December 28, 2021 at 03:38AM
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Add Comments, Posts, Links... etc.

Popular posts from this blog

The difference between being right and being understood

My boyfriend and I are 28. We’ve been together for about 1.5 years and recently moved in together. He’s a pretty patient and easygoing person (Type B) whereas I’m more particular (Type A). Of course there are two sides to every trait, and my Type A nature benefits us in some ways too. Like all couples, we have differences in perspective or preference. When this happens, he will usually say something like “I disagree (with your perspective) but fine.” I tend to push the issue in an attempt to get him to understand where I’m coming from. This escalates the disagreement into a fight because he perceives it as me trying to be “right”. I truly just want to be understood (and I want to understand where he’s coming from) so I’m looking for more of a dialogue whereas he avoids conflict and just wants it to be over as quickly as possible. His general approach is “agree to disagree” but that doesn’t make sense to me when it’s an issue that will keep coming up and requires compromise. I’m n...
Read more

My (27f) gf (27f) is getting tired of me not sharing intimate/ personal info about me

I’ve always been extremely private and introverted. We have more than a year together and we’ve been living together for like 6 months, we get along pretty good and I’m really in love with her, however I can not seem to open up... and I can tell it’s frustrating to her by the way she tells me it bothers her that she feels she’s the only one committed and the one that’s always sharing... At this point I don’t even know if it is that I’ve gotten too used to it, to the point I’ve became lazy to talk about myself or give any genuine personal opinion... it sucks, really, I need to communicate better... Where do I start? Tl;dr: I can’t be completely intimate with my gf and its frustrating her, I need to communicate better because I really love her... where to start? Submitted April 25, 2019 at 06:02AM I’ve always been extremely private and introverted. We have more than a year together and we’ve been living together for like 6 months, we get along pretty good and I’m really in love ...
Read more

My (23M) girlfriend (25F) relationship is confusing to me. I might be the problem, or maybe we are just incompatible.

I met my girlfriend after a few serious breakups that led me to change both intentionally and unintentionally over a few years. For better and for worse. She had just gotten out of an engagement with a verbally and physically abusive man who had a cocaine problem. We have been together about 8 months now. We hit it off and spent a lot of time together but she began to push our relationship as if there were a time clock for milestones. I was pressed beyond my comfort zone and went with it because of my affection for her. My living situation fell apart and I lost a few thousand dollars to shit roommates right around the time she and I met and she offered to let me stay with her. I agreed with some resistance. I pay for food, help her with bills, and throw money toward rent while trying to get back on my feet. As long as we have been together she has gotten more possessive, angry, and irrational. She is dealing with shit from her engagement and I feel shes looking for a level of seriou...
Read more