How to go about removing a neurotic or unhealthy sexual association?

There's a certain theme or type of scenario which gets me off, and it has nothing to do with the actual act of sex. I can recognize and prove that it's neurotic and I'd like to remove it. How should I go about doing this?

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Every time I see a post like this, the comments are littered with "who cares what you get off to!" and "just enjoy it!" and the likes. I'm going to provide some information here and hopefully preempt any of those responses.

Details? I'm a guy and the problem is a bunch of similar paraphilic or fetishistic associations, which are... pretty solipsistic and self-indulgent, to the extreme. So instead of the act of sex, I get off to the thought of orgasm. I have a subconsciosly... sadistic perception of sex, and I'm ABSOLUTELY NOT a sadist, which is why I think I don't experience desire -- the thought of sex is coupled with the thought of doing something to a woman, not with, and I couldn't ever be okay getting turned on by that alone.

I also get turned on by ejaculation, and the quantity of cum that ends up on/in the sexual partner. In moments of clarity, I've looked back at this and been utterly disgusted, for the same reason. I want to experience sexual desire that's not objectifying / purely self-indulgent or hedonistic.

There's no shame in getting off to X! Other people do too/just be yourself/why not enjoy it? I want to enjoy the act of sex with another human being, and not just because it feels good. If I were going for the latter, I would just shoot up. If I can't be turned on by other human beings, that severely limits my relationships, and the degree of connection I can reach.

It's a fetish, it's part of you. I know that this isn't a fetish but rather the result of a fixation from early puberty, which got corrupted into sexual arousal since I focused on it during masturbation and fantasizing. About half a year ago, I had a lapse of judgment and indulged the association fully, and it's become all-consuming since then. I've refused to indulge it since then, in hopes it'll fade with time, but I'd still like to speed up the process. Either way, it's absolutely NOT normal and I DON'T want it there.

Kinks/fetishes/associations don't ever go away. I've never seen any proof for this, not once. I've only seen people arguing how fucking with others' sexual desires is abusive and wrong. And it is, unless the person specifically asked for it! Furthermore, mind over matter. If an association was formed, rather than being innate or healthy, then it's very unlikely it can't be reversed somehow. And if the sexual association is causing me guilt and pain, then resolving that guilt is more important than feeling physical pleasure.

Why not incorporate it into your sex life? Because it's corrupting my concept of sex and sexuality itself. I don't really know what normal sexual attraction towards another human feels like anymore. I only know the arousal-analogue that I get when indulging this association, or otherwise comparatively weak sexual desire.

Vanilla is boring. Agreed. There are tons of other kinky things that get me off intellectually but not physically, and I want to reconcile the latter with the former. Trust me, I'm not seeking out normality or conformity, and I'm certainly not the repressed type. It's just this ONE neurotic sexual conditioning that has to be removed.

Submitted December 02, 2021 at 12:54AM

There's a certain theme or type of scenario which gets me off, and it has nothing to do with the actual act of sex. I can recognize and prove that it's neurotic and I'd like to remove it. How should I go about doing this?Every time I see a post like this, the comments are littered with "who cares what you get off to!" and "just enjoy it!" and the likes. I'm going to provide some information here and hopefully preempt any of those responses.Details? I'm a guy and the problem is a bunch of similar paraphilic or fetishistic associations, which are... pretty solipsistic and self-indulgent, to the extreme. So instead of the act of sex, I get off to the thought of orgasm. I have a subconsciosly... sadistic perception of sex, and I'm ABSOLUTELY NOT a sadist, which is why I think I don't experience desire -- the thought of sex is coupled with the thought of doing something to a woman, not with, and I couldn't ever be okay getting turned on by that alone.I also get turned on by ejaculation, and the quantity of cum that ends up on/in the sexual partner. In moments of clarity, I've looked back at this and been utterly disgusted, for the same reason. I want to experience sexual desire that's not objectifying / purely self-indulgent or hedonistic.There's no shame in getting off to X! Other people do too/just be yourself/why not enjoy it? I want to enjoy the act of sex with another human being, and not just because it feels good. If I were going for the latter, I would just shoot up. If I can't be turned on by other human beings, that severely limits my relationships, and the degree of connection I can reach.It's a fetish, it's part of you. I know that this isn't a fetish but rather the result of a fixation from early puberty, which got corrupted into sexual arousal since I focused on it during masturbation and fantasizing. About half a year ago, I had a lapse of judgment and indulged the association fully, and it's become all-consuming since then. I've refused to indulge it since then, in hopes it'll fade with time, but I'd still like to speed up the process. Either way, it's absolutely NOT normal and I DON'T want it there.Kinks/fetishes/associations don't ever go away. I've never seen any proof for this, not once. I've only seen people arguing how fucking with others' sexual desires is abusive and wrong. And it is, unless the person specifically asked for it! Furthermore, mind over matter. If an association was formed, rather than being innate or healthy, then it's very unlikely it can't be reversed somehow. And if the sexual association is causing me guilt and pain, then resolving that guilt is more important than feeling physical pleasure.Why not incorporate it into your sex life? Because it's corrupting my concept of sex and sexuality itself. I don't really know what normal sexual attraction towards another human feels like anymore. I only know the arousal-analogue that I get when indulging this association, or otherwise comparatively weak sexual desire.Vanilla is boring. Agreed. There are tons of other kinky things that get me off intellectually but not physically, and I want to reconcile the latter with the former. Trust me, I'm not seeking out normality or conformity, and I'm certainly not the repressed type. It's just this ONE neurotic sexual conditioning that has to be removed.